6/30/10

Lowest Common Denominator

In case you think I'm exaggerating, the following are the 5 Daily Picks Match.com has selected for me today. Keep in mind I have a cat, I have been in DC for more than 5 years, and after living in too many apartments with impossibly tiny kitchens, I am just now starting to teach myself to cook.
He shares the same birth month!
Like you, he'd like to have kids someday.
You share culinary interests.

Like you, he's a dog lover.
You both love playing sports.
He matches your liberal view of politics.

Like you, he's a dog lover.
You both love playing sports.
He's not a smoker.

You both love playing sports.
Like you, he'd like to have kids someday.
Both of you are into swimming.

He has a graduate degree.
Running is an interest for both of you.
You're both new to the area.

Quote of the Day: Way to Make a Girl Feel Special Edition

"I myself intend to get married and have kids....[T]here are more unmarried babes on one page of match than within miles of my usual round-trip. Good odds!"

- the hopeless romantic who emailed me on Match last night

6/29/10

My New Favorite Website

27b/6

I know it's not new, but it's new to me. Start here.

ReMatch

I couldn't resist. I played with the profile again:
Just shy of two weeks now. Necessary additions to the update chain:

1. No images? Really? I don't consider furniture on Craigslist that doesn't have a photo. I'm certainly not going to correspond with a guy who won't show me what he looks like.

2. If you're under 30, I'm flattered. Not interested. But flattered. Thank you.

3. Self-portraits taken with a cell phone and a mirror are a bad idea. Topless self-portraits are just wrong. (h/t C)

4. Hey Match, could your Daily 5 algorithm be less scientific? His liking dogs and sharing my birth month doesn't make us a good fit. I don't need 29 levels of compatibility, but one decent one would be nice.

Okay, now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

6/27/10

Numbers Game

It's been a little more than a week since I decided to give Match another go. So far, 1032 guys have looked. 60 have winked. And about 45 have sent emails. As for prospects, I've responded to 3.

That's not true. I did tell the 25-year-old he was very sweet for reaching out, but it wasn't going to happen, and he would be better off spending his energy elsewhere.

As for the 3, I'm not writing home about anyone just yet. They're simply the three who seem to have a brain.

Based on correspondence and a quick profile scan, the other 1029 appear to share one.

6/25/10

Quote of the Day

"You had a raisin bagel reaction? That must have been some raisin."

-nurse at the doctor's office when I explained I should prolly lie down as she took my blood b/c I had a vasovagal reaction after a blood draw on Tuesday.

It's been a rough week for both Emmy and me. The good news is everyone's okay now. But she had massive dental surgery to remove a lot of bad teeth that were causing her excruciating pain, and I was rushed by ambulance to Georgetown University Hospital from the Dupont metro station after my body thought it had lost too much blood and started shutting down flow to things it considers nonessential. Like arms.

Spooky stuff all around. I'm glad it's Friday. Happy weekend.

6/23/10

Look Kids, No Morals

You want to break the law, betray your wife, and resign in disgrace? Where do you think that gets you?

Apparently, here.

I thought Richard Quest getting to keep his job was inappropriate. This takes lowering the bar to a whole new level.

Maybe CNN should read its own news once in a while.

6/21/10

Match dot Comedy

Because I don't believe in knocking anything until you've tried it twice, I put a profile up on Match.com on Friday.

So far, it's been hysterical.

I'm only on for a month (sign up and then cancel immediately to avoid getting auto-enrolled in a second month without your consent) and don't have any expectations. I just thought it might be amusing to see what happens.

What's happening is that I am collecting solid blog fodder. I would never embarrass anyone personally in a public forum, but it's impossible to ignore there are some common - and often easily remedied - mistakes many of these men are making in trying to find a mate.

Below is the profile I crafted and continue to update as the need arises.
I tried this for a month about 6 months ago, but after the guy who emailed me daily for 2 weeks and disappeared when I asked if he had a phone, the guy who complained about paying for dinner on the first date, and the countless "not even remotely appropriate"s, I said I was done. Then I went abroad for a month and came back with the crazy thought that I might be willing to try one more time.

Here's what's important to me: I take really good care of myself physically, and I'd like you to do the same. I'm ambitious and driven so I'm looking for a guy who appreciates that in me and has the same propensity to take initiative and get things done. I love to laugh, but I don't get into Adam Sandler so much as Jon Stewart. I'm not a fighter. I don't like unnecessary drama. Other than that, let's see what happens.

UPDATE: After 24 hours, I've recognized the need to add a few things.

1. I think the income question is awkward so I'm not answering it, but I can comfortably share that I've worked very hard over the years to be able to support myself, and it is important to me that you've done the same.

2. I like a guy who can spell. I'll leave it there. No, I won't. Consider your online profile (or your email to me) a first impression. Care enough to spell check.

3. If any of your photographs show you straddling something as if it's part of your anatomy, assume I'm not interested.

4. All of my photos were taken in the last 2 months. If you don't have more than one or the ones you have are blurry, assume I'm not interested.

5. Excessive use of smilies or LOLs is a deal breaker.

6. I'll go a little younger or a touch older than my specifications, but if you're old enough to be my Dad, you're too old to be my date. I know lots of girls are working out their issues. I'm good.

7. Finally, if you're in my favorites, it's probably because I'm figuring out the least ridiculous thing to write to say hello. Plus, a little part of me still likes the guy to make the first move.

UPDATE 2:

1. If you don't have kids but have posted photos of yourself with kids, it doesn't make me think you're sensitive. It makes me think you have kids.

2. Athletic and toned doesn't mean you want to be athletic and toned. Or that you were athletic and toned in high school. As a rule, if you're overweight in your pictures, I'm not going to believe you are athletic and toned.

(This is fun. There may be more soon.)
Image: Natalie Dee

6/17/10

Laziest...Cat...Ever



Ooo. Toys!



Too far. Nevermind.

Mail Fail

Did you know that when you send a package internationally, you have to write on the customs form what's in the package and how much it costs? Then they take that form and stick it on the box right next to the address label.

So much for the element of surprise.

I just sent a bunch of wrapped gifts to Spain, but now my friend will know what they are before she even opens the box.

How depressing. Why does the USPS hate joy?

p.s. I should add that the women at my local post office were very kind and helpful this morning. I just think there's got to be a better way to get a gift overseas without having to ruin the recipient's gift-getting experience.

6/16/10

Cool Company of the Week: Gilt Groupe

As much fun as it is to call out the bad guys, I also like to give props when they're well-deserved.

Gilt Groupe is taking care of filing a claim with UPS for the missing merchandise. They are crediting back my account and offering me a pass on the first reshipping since only one of the items I ordered is in stock at the moment. I'll have to pay normal shipping on the second, but since the order's now split in two, they don't want me to have to pay twice. I also have the option of changing my mind altogether and just keeping the credit for future use.

The customer service rep was extremely sweet, and at no moment did she hesitate to do all she could to make good.

With that, I'd recommend you check out Gilt if you haven't already. They've got great prices on some really interesting stuff, and now they've proven they appreciate the importance of keeping their customers happy.

6/15/10

The Case of the Missing Merchandise

What happens when UPS says it delivered something, but I never got it? Who's responsible? UPS? The retailer? Me? (I really hope it's not me). I just sent an email to the seller, and I'll try calling during business hours tomorrow.

I'm not upset so much as baffled. Nothing's ever disappeared from my doorstep before. UPS says it left the package at 1:30pm on Friday. I was gone from about 12:30pm to 4pm, and there was definitely nothing here when I got back. What are the chances someone snagged the delivery off my stoop in broad daylight?

Intriguing. To be continued, I suppose.

6/14/10

Relapse

Last night, I started stripping again.

6/13/10

Kitchen 101

My inability to cook is legendary amongst my friends and family, but I'm proud to announce I've just launched operation "teach myself to cook" which we could also call operation "spend less money" or operation "know what's in my food" or even operation "cheese is not a meal."

Last night. I tried to make two baked potatoes in the oven as opposed to the microwave. I took the first out a touch too soon, and it wasn't as smushy on the inside as I would have liked. The second baked a little longer and was much better. The recipe (yes, I used a recipe for baked potatoes) called for an hour at 350 degrees, but I think it should have been more like an hour and twenty minutes. As instructed, I rubbed them with olive oil and sea salt which gave the skin a nice flavor boost.

Tonight's adventure: fish. Mom sent me home from Florida with a recipe for bourbon-glazed salmon so that's what I tried. It's really easy. 1/4 cup chicken broth. 1/4 cup bourbon. 3 tbsp of tomato paste and 3 tbsp of honey. It also calls for salt and pepper but doesn't say how much. I sprinkled.

I simmered all the ingredients in a pan and then added the salmon. I cooked it about 4 minutes on both sides, and along with the second potato and a small salad, I had myself a homemade dinner.

Verdict?

Eh.

The salmon was cooked but not really hot all the way through, and the sauce was bland. I like my food with heat - both in temperature and spice - and this didn't do much for me. But that said, I'm proud of myself for trying, and I think the miss was in the recipe rather than the execution. Rare in my case, I know, but possible.

The other recipe Mom gave me to try was for key lime pie. I'm working up the nerve to go there next.

6/12/10

Vent(i)

An Open Letter to the Guy Who Spilled His Coffee On Me This Morning:

Dude,

Seriously?

It'd be one thing if I were running and barreled into you. It'd be another if I wasn't looking where I was going. But I was walking straight ahead, and you backed into me. So when you spilled your entire cup o' joe down my right arm and then stared at me as if it were my fault for being in your way, the least you could have done was say you're sorry. Instead, your girlfriend (wife?) had to remind you that an apology was in order, and even then, you were clearly more annoyed by the loss of your beverage than concerned that maybe you'd scorched a stranger.

You're lucky that coffee was only lukewarm. And it's a good thing your friends still appreciate that a little common courtesy was in order.

I know that if the tables were turned, I would have been incredibly apologetic and waited until you came out of the nearby salon which was gracious enough to lend its sink to ask again if you were okay. Instead, you chose to bail and only felt compelled to say something from a distance once you accidentally caught my eye as you turned back from where you'd already sauntered ahead.

Where was I the day decency died? Because I certainly would have had something to say about it.

Yours with disdain,
Jacki

6/11/10

Remember When

Yesterday I reconnected with a friend I hadn't seen in 20 years. She looked terrific, and her kids were adorable and fabulously entertaining. We caught up in between chasing the little ones through the Air and Space Museum, and it was shockingly easy and comfortable. It also got me thinking. There's something to be said for spending time with the people who knew you when.

"When" may be a shadow of the person you are today. "When" may be completely unrecognizable when viewed through the lens of your current life. But the "when" is in there somewhere, and I think it can be healthy to revisit it from time to time.

I didn't know what to expect when my friend and I met up, but for some reason, I just knew it would be alright. Her when has made her a terrific parent as she was always warm and open and generous with her affection. She even mentioned that she works hard now to recall the when as she communicates with her little girl. Remembering how the world looked to her as a five-year-old helps her stay patient as a mom.

As I suspect was the case with many teenage girls, my most prominent when memories are peppered with the struggles of figuring out who I was and who I wanted to be. But now I know better than I would have without that challenge, and in retrospect, I'm pretty proud of my when.

Thank you, friend. It's great fun being reminded.

Friday Foto

A friend working down in the Gulf region sent this through yesterday. It reads "Home of Jax Beer," but as she noted in her email, "the important thing is that it's your name up in lights."

Happy Friday.

6/9/10

Oh, the Irony

Mom and I both bought the same bag when I was down in Florida. It's a soft, smushy thing and the perfect size, but they only had it in brown. Since we both love it and Mom's birthday is coming up, I thought I'd try to hunt it down online in white. Guess who sells it?

No, guess.

Yup.

Sears.



It is not lost on me that the $50 gift certificate would have covered the cost, but frankly, I love my Mom too much to put her through the aggravation of having to track down her own birthday present.

Postscript

I know I promised no more Sears, but I just wanted to share this last bit of correspondence. The following is the email I got from Dave - the Sears Care manager who decided $25 was just too much to pay to say sorry. Note the tone deaf inclusion of an "in case you change your mind" and the last ditch pitch to get me to shop again. In this instance, a form letter was probably the wrong way to go (emphases mine):
Dear Jacki S.,

Thank you for contacting Sears.com regarding the merchandise for order XXXXXXXXX. We truly apologize for any inconvenience this delivery problem has caused. UPS has been contacted regarding the issuance of your call tag for the damaged merchandise as of 06/08/10.

Once the call tag has been issued by UPS, UPS will pick up your package within 5 business days. Please make sure that the product is in the original packing and in an accessible area, if you will not be at home.

Additionally, credit will be issued for your purchase once UPS has returned the merchandise to our warehouse. However, if you are still interested in purchasing please place a new rder on sears.com or contact us at 1-800-283-6940 for further assistance.

Again, we apologize for any inconvenience and we appreciate your patronage.

Look for Great Ideas throughout the store and find Sears exclusive innovations from great brands like Sony, Kenmore, NordicTrack, Craftsman and Reebok.

Shop sears.com now to pick up great products for the season.

http://www.sears.com

Sincerely,
Dave G.
Sears Customer Care
order@customerservice.sears.com
1-800-283-6940
And here is my response:
Dave -

I find it fascinating that Sears couldn't get it together and blamed UPS at every turn when the TV was coming my way, but as soon as the TV needs to come back to Sears, you're all over it.

Not only will I not change my mind about purchasing this product, but neither I nor any of the people who follow me online will be patronizing your store anytime soon.

I am astonished at how you and your colleagues failed to acknowledge the tremendous aggravation and inconvenience you created over the past three weeks. From the dishonesty and disregard when this fiasco first came to a head on the 24th to the complete abuse of access in trying to come to a reasonable solution. When someone says to me, "I will call you back in 10 minutes," I expect to hear back in 10 minutes, not 6 hours. When someone says, "Give me 24-48 hours," I expect 2 days, not more than three. This was never about the money. It was about Sears acknowledging it made mistake after mistake after mistake, and frankly, 25% off and a coupon for a future purchase that will never happen because why would I want to expose myself to this aggravation again is absurd.

I've made it extremely clear to those who read my work that your company is a farce. The concessions you could have made in good faith would have gone a long way, and instead, you bought yourself some first class bad publicity. Had you even budged and counter-offered with something other than that ridiculous gift certificate - and done it in a reasonable timeframe - we may have been able to find a fair solution. But you wasted weeks of my time and came back with nothing more than what you wanted to concede in the first place.

Excellent customer disservice.

Jacki
Ok, now we're done.

6/8/10

Truth Be Told

Actual email exchange. Names omitted to protect the not-so-innocent.

After seeing a photo from my Saturday night dinner at a friend's in the 'burbs:

Guy Friend 1: "Just think - someday 20 years from now you'll be able to come over for dinner with my and (Guy Friend 2)'s wives..."

Guy Friend 2: "Lol. And to think - those future wives are likely in high school, right now!"

Me: "At the rate I'm going, my future husband is still trying to 'make it work' with his first wife."

*sigh*

Foul Ball

I took a long walk yesterday evening and passed what looked like an RNC/DNC softball game. I caught the red shirts with "Republican National Committee" written across the front but didn't get a good look at the blues. I can only assume based on the volume of roar from the crowds, the opposing players were Democrats.

And this got me thinking. That spectacle - to me - was the perfect metaphor for everything that's wrong with politics and government in DC these days. To those running the show - and in large part the press too - it's all just a big game.

Who's up. Who's down. Who's scored the most points for his team.

But what we've forgotten is how high the stakes are and what suffers when contest trumps content. People do. As DC staffers suit up in matching t-shirts and slug away at a big yellow ball, more and more homes fall into foreclosure, Americans are searching desperately for work, and families are still struggling to stretch every last dime. There are real people on the other end of every piece of legislation who need government to work for them, not apart from them. It feels too often like politicians and their colleagues in this town treat the business of running the country like it's simply a sport.

I think it's a real shame that those who sit across from each other in Congress and those who work for opposing parties can't seem to keep the big picture in play.

Last night's NPR piece about Democratic Congressman Tom Perriello echos my sentiment (h/t Naomi). Perriello believes in what he's branded "conviction politics," and now up for reelection, he has to work on selling what many consider "hard votes:"
"You know, I don't come out of party politics. I don't come out of politics," he says. "And it's just hard for me to see the kind of economic crisis here, the kind of good, decent people trying to find jobs, and then go up to Washington and see that kind of just soulless, spineless absurdity."
The piece continues:
Back in his truck, between glances at his BlackBerry, Perriello gets fired up thinking about the many thousands of jobs lost in his district.

He's frustrated by what he calls the "games" played in Washington, especially by Republican leaders, whom he considers morally empty.

"You see these jobs bills that could actually be putting people to work — that are smart, pragmatic solutions," he says. "And you see them playing games. It's like, 'Go spend a day with someone trying to find a job. Go spend, you know, a week trying to live on minimum wage. And then come back and have the nerve to try to kill this jobs bill by doing something that will create a 30-second spot in the election.' "
Perriello, who voted for health reform, adds:
"The demagoguing about death panels and other just outright lies are not worthy of the American people," he says. "They poison and corrupt a sacred space of public trust."

Perriello doesn't mince words about the failures of Democrats, either, who he says take a good, bold idea, and then cut it in half to appeal to the center.

"I think one problem that a lot of liberals have is that they feel like once they pass good policy and they get The New York Times editorial board to say it was good policy, that should be the end of the conversation," he says. "No, your job is to go out and communicate with your constituents; go out and make the case. And yes, it sucks that the other side has $100 million dollars' worth of free propaganda every week that we have to go up against. But roll up your sleeves, get to work, make the case — because the facts are on our side."
I don't know who won last night's softball game, and I couldn't care less, but I'd bet there's a whole lot of bragging going down today. I'd also wager it doesn't sound any different than when the RNC and DNC ignore the nuts and bolts of good policy and simply strive to one-up each other in public opinion or the press.

Nothing I say will change the course of anything, I know, but if it were my call, I'd say our political system is a slump. Each party's too consumed with winning and losing in DC and not paying enough attention to what impact all that superficial jockeying is having out in the field. Sadly, for the American public, the game's been a no-win for years.

6/7/10

Crappy Company of the Week 3 Weeks Running: Sears

This is the end of the story. Sears refused to budge on the 25% discount and "$50 gift certificate." TV's going back.

That company has no business being in online sales. They are a dishonest, incompetent corporation, and their Customer (dis)Service department is a joke (In what world does 10 minutes equal 6 hours? One to two days equals three?). I'm telling you, any savings in price is not worth the cost in time and energy you're guaranteed to spend tracking down your order and then haggling for fair compensation to make up for all that wasted time and energy.

Offering someone $50 off the next purchase when they've been given the runaround for three weeks on this purchase is absurd. It's not about the money. I can spare the cash. It's their gross incompetence and inability to recognize how obnoxious they've been that makes me furious, and I'd rather give $1000 to another company than hand them a dime.

Spreading the word far and wide. Stay far away from Sears.

6/3/10

Riddle Me This

How long does it take to get approval for $25?

The latest in the Sears saga goes something like this. The TV was delivered last week while I was out of town. It was delivered the day after I got the email from Sears saying the order for the TV hadn't even been processed yet and about 24 hours after I asked Sears to cancel my order.

After some extensive back and forth with a representative from their SearsCares department, they offered me 20% off the TV, a $25 gift certificate, and the weekend to think it over. (UPDATE: I forgot to mention they upped this to 25% off and a $50 gift certificate after I said no to the first offer). Tuesday, I got another call and explained I would accept 50% off, and they could scrap the gift certificate. The representative said he needed 10/15 minutes to see if that was something they could do.

About 20 minutes later, I got a call back from the rep saying he needed 24 to 48 hours more. That was Tuesday at 2pm. You do the math.

Speaking of math, the difference between what they offered and what I asked for - monetarily - is $25. So it would seem it takes at least 56 hours - and counting - for Sears to decide whether or not it wants to hand an incredibly disgruntled customer an additional $25.

Brilliant PR move, people. Really bright. In fact, I'm thinking their new slogan should be "Come See the Stupid Side of Sears."

6/2/10

Interlude

If you haven't done so already, check out the SearsCares comment left on the previous post.

Apologies for the radio silence around here once again, but I went down to Miami to see the 'rents, take in a little sun (safely with spf), and retrieve the cat.

I'm now back home waiting for Sears to make a decision as to how it plans to deal with the great TV debacle. No joke. I shall update you on the course of events and how they have unfolded - in excruciating detail should you so desire - when the company finally decides what it wants to do.