Look Kids, No Morals

You want to break the law, betray your wife, and resign in disgrace? Where do you think that gets you?

Apparently, here.

I thought Richard Quest getting to keep his job was inappropriate. This takes lowering the bar to a whole new level.

Maybe CNN should read its own news once in a while.

Match dot Comedy

Because I don't believe in knocking anything until you've tried it twice, I put a profile up on Match.com on Friday.

So far, it's been hysterical.

I'm only on for a month (sign up and then cancel immediately to avoid getting auto-enrolled in a second month without your consent) and don't have any expectations. I just thought it might be amusing to see what happens.

What's happening is that I am collecting solid blog fodder. I would never embarrass anyone personally in a public forum, but it's impossible to ignore there are some common - and often easily remedied - mistakes many of these men are making in trying to find a mate.

Below is the profile I crafted and continue to update as the need arises.

I tried this for a month about 6 months ago, but after the guy who emailed me daily for 2 weeks and disappeared when I asked if he had a phone, the guy who complained about paying for dinner on the first date, and the countless "not even remotely appropriate"s, I said I was done. Then I went abroad for a month and came back with the crazy thought that I might be willing to try one more time.

Here's what's important to me: I take really good care of myself physically, and I'd like you to do the same. I'm ambitious and driven so I'm looking for a guy who appreciates that in me and has the same propensity to take initiative and get things done. I love to laugh, but I don't get into Adam Sandler so much as Jon Stewart. I'm not a fighter. I don't like unnecessary drama. Other than that, let's see what happens.

UPDATE: After 24 hours, I've recognized the need to add a few things.

1. I think the income question is awkward so I'm not answering it, but I can comfortably share that I've worked very hard over the years to be able to support myself, and it is important to me that you've done the same.

2. I like a guy who can spell. I'll leave it there. No, I won't. Consider your online profile (or your email to me) a first impression. Care enough to spell check.

3. If any of your photographs show you straddling something as if it's part of your anatomy, assume I'm not interested.

4. All of my photos were taken in the last 2 months. If you don't have more than one or the ones you have are blurry, assume I'm not interested.

5. Excessive use of smilies or LOLs is a deal breaker.

6. I'll go a little younger or a touch older than my specifications, but if you're old enough to be my Dad, you're too old to be my date. I know lots of girls are working out their issues. I'm good.

7. Finally, if you're in my favorites, it's probably because I'm figuring out the least ridiculous thing to write to say hello. Plus, a little part of me still likes the guy to make the first move.

UPDATE 2:

1. If you don't have kids but have posted photos of yourself with kids, it doesn't make me think you're sensitive. It makes me think you have kids.

2. Athletic and toned doesn't mean you want to be athletic and toned. Or that you were athletic and toned in high school. As a rule, if you're overweight in your pictures, I'm not going to believe you are athletic and toned.

(This is fun. There may be more soon.)

Image: Natalie Dee

Laziest...Cat...Ever

Ooo. Toys!



Too far. Nevermind.

Mail Fail

Did you know that when you send a package internationally, you have to write on the customs form what's in the package and how much it costs? Then they take that form and stick it on the box right next to the address label.

So much for the element of surprise.

I just sent a bunch of wrapped gifts to Spain, but now my friend will know what they are before she even opens the box.

How depressing. Why does the USPS hate joy?

p.s. I should add that the women at my local post office were very kind and helpful this morning. I just think there's got to be a better way to get a gift overseas without having to ruin the recipient's gift-getting experience.

Cool Company of the Week: Gilt Groupe

As much fun as it is to call out the bad guys, I also like to give props when they're well-deserved.

Gilt Groupe is taking care of filing a claim with UPS for the missing merchandise. They are crediting back my account and offering me a pass on the first reshipping since only one of the items I ordered is in stock at the moment. I'll have to pay normal shipping on the second, but since the order's now split in two, they don't want me to have to pay twice. I also have the option of changing my mind altogether and just keeping the credit for future use.

The customer service rep was extremely sweet, and at no moment did she hesitate to do all she could to make good.

With that, I'd recommend you check out Gilt if you haven't already. They've got great prices on some really interesting stuff, and now they've proven they appreciate the importance of keeping their customers happy.

The Case of the Missing Merchandise

What happens when UPS says it delivered something, but I never got it? Who's responsible? UPS? The retailer? Me? (I really hope it's not me). I just sent an email to the seller, and I'll try calling during business hours tomorrow.

I'm not upset so much as baffled. Nothing's ever disappeared from my doorstep before. UPS says it left the package at 1:30pm on Friday. I was gone from about 12:30pm to 4pm, and there was definitely nothing here when I got back. What are the chances someone snagged the delivery off my stoop in broad daylight?

Intriguing. To be continued, I suppose.

Relapse

Last night, I started stripping again.