Revenge of the Raisin Bagel

About a month ago, I had a small cherry angioma taken off my neck. It was tiny but became problematic and had to be killed. Now a second little sucker has made itself at home close to my right shoulder. It's still fairly unnoticeable, but I'm not a fan, and I'd like it removed too. In that vein, I went to see my dermatologist today, expecting him to agree to my demands and just zap the angioma right there and then. Turns out, not so much.

Last time around, I accidentally scratched the one on my neck, and it bled incessantly. My dermatologist was out of town, but I made an emergency trip to his partner, and she stopped the bleeding by just cauterizing it on the spot. She was concerned about the lack of clotting, and post-procedure, she sent me to LabCorp for a test. Several hours and one sloppy blood draw later, I started to make my way home in the 100 degree heat. The blood loss coupled with not having had anything to eat or drink since breakfast led to a chain of events which culminated in my suffering a vasovagal reaction (lovingly known now as the Raisin Bagel reaction) in the Dupont metro station and being rushed by ambulance to the ER. I never lost consciousness, but it was a very scary ordeal.

Fast forward to today when I had to bring my regular dermatologist up to speed. He said I have two options. I can either leave the new angioma alone (not going to happen), or I can come back with a friend at a later date. He explained that he doesn't want me leaving his office, passing out on the metro, and falling and breaking my teeth. His exact words. I tried to explain that I never passed out last time around, and that now knowing the causes and symptoms of a Raisin Bagel episode, I was certain that it wouldn't happen again. Even though I can be very persuasive at times, this guy was good. He wouldn't budge.

So now I have to wait a month and enlist a friend to join me at the dermatologist's office on a Friday afternoon in early September. How obnoxious. My apologies to whomever that unlucky friend turns out to be.

And I'm swearing off raisin bagels on principle.

Hi Baby

I got together today with a friend whom I haven't seen since she gave birth to her second son. She brought the nugget to lunch and let me dote on him a bit. Here we are getting acquainted:

Forecast Unclear

How can there be a severe thunderstorm watch in effect until 7pm, but this is the hour by hour forecast:



Weather.com should be renamed Whatever.com.

The Path of Lease Resistance

My landlord sent an urgent email today saying he's lost the copy of my lease and needs me to scan it and send it immediately. We've got a couple of issues with this demand. First off, I don't own a scanner. Second, I can't find the lease. I know it was a dinky little thing signed in about four minutes three years ago. As I've mentioned before, my landlord lives abroad so the whole deal went down between me and some young guy who was kind of tending to the building at the time.

Since then, there's been no sign of anyone who serves in any sort of property management capacity. If something breaks, I've got to call around to find someone to fix it and then just deduct that from the rent. There's no compensation for the time and energy we - my neighbors and I - spend keeping this place from collapsing around us, but we know we generally have a good deal and are willing to - well - deal.

That is, until now. My downstairs neighbor and I think maybe the landlord is in a dire rush to reevaluate the leases (He asked for my neighbor's too) because of the high utility bills this summer. If that's the case, neither my neighbor nor I is jazzed about assisting him in this venture.

To be fair, I have been looking. I found the lease for my apartment before this one. I found some old pictures that should never again see the light of day. I found cassette tapes (!) that I may pop in tonight for old time's sake. (There are some mix tapes from old boyfriends that should be good for a giggle). Speaking of past boyfriends, I turned up a lot of cards and notes from some of them too. I found a nail file, two metrocards, a pitch for a TV show, and a fake resume my friends and I made up in college. The name on the top: Ima Plyin.

I do have the check receipt showing I paid the landlord a security deposit and first month's rent back in August 2007. That will come in handy come move out time, I'm sure. But I've gone through all my files and all my folders and every box of stuff, and that lease is nowhere to be found.

My landlord is not going to be happy. Maybe I can smooth it over with a mix tape.

UPDATE: Landlord reports he's renegotiating his mortgage with the bank, needs proof of payment, and has misplaced all our leases. I've let him know I can't find mine and will suggest he use a record of deposited checks at the first of each month as proof that the same person has been paying the same rent on the same apartment for the past three years.

The Most Trusted Name In Snooze

From TVNewser, here's Monday's numbers for the coveted 25-54 demographic:



Congrats, CNN. Shedding experts, abandoning integrity, and chasing Fox has you winning the race to the bottom.

Digs In Space

My friend Steve works for NASA, and today, he invited me to a presentation by the astronauts from the STS-132 Atlantis crew and ISS astronaut TJ Creamer who spent almost 6 months in space.



The guys were relatively entertaining, and the pictures they took of themselves in space were cool to see. But the overall event dragged a bit, and the Q and A was definitely too short. I didn't get to ask my awesome question which would have gone something like this:

"I understand the Russians often bring vodka with them to the ISS. Have there been any studies done on the physiological effects of alcohol on the body in space?"

That's the edited version. Steve thought, "What's it like to get drunk in space?" was a little too raw.

Steve and I also had a lot of fun making fun of some really random comments that came out throughout the hour. One in particular lent itself to endless ridicule. Apparently, the International Space Station is an award winning space station. Award winning? What's it competing against? In what competition?

The mind wanders. Have at it. We did.

Cab UnFair

I just fired off the following email to the DC Taxicab Commission. Based on past experience with the commission, I am not hopeful that anything will come of this, but I figured it was worth a shot.

To Whom It Concerns,

Last night (7/23/10 at 12:25 am) at the corner of 9th and F Street NW, a Yellow Cab on duty refused to take my friend and me to XXXXX. The cab number was 5454-1212. I don't have any more information because the driver sped off.

As many of the cabs do, he slowed down, rolled down the window, and asked where we were going. When I said, "XXXXX," he shook his head, said no, and drove off. He was clearly on duty and simply refusing to take us where we needed to go.

This happens time and time again in DC, and having had several conversations with cab drivers about why this is, it seems many taxi drivers only accept fares when they think they can get a lucrative return fare, especially on a weekend night. One evening, a girlfriend and I stood on Connecticut Avenue as three different cabs slowed down, asked where we were going, and then refused and sped off when she said "Capitol Hill."

There must be some repercussions for this sort of behavior as it seems to be not only common but also acknowledged by other drivers as routine. I can understand not wanting to accept a fare if the person is rowdy or intoxicated, but two sober women just looking to get home late at night hardly seems like a risk in any capacity.

Please do something.

Thank you,
Jacki

UPDATE: I could have sworn the cab number was correct, but then I realized we may have caught the cab phone number and added in an extra digit. Oh well. We'll get 'em next time.

AC/DC

My landlord lives abroad and just sent my downstairs neighbor an email complaining about having received an unusually high electric bill.

My neighbor emailed him back explaining two things. 1. We are having a record hot summer here in DC and 2. All of our apartments have old a/c units and windows so inefficiency is to be expected.

This is why having all utilities included in rent is a tremendous blessing.

Go Fish!

HUGE night on the culinary front here at home. HUGE. I successfully made a salmon dish I actually liked. Granted, it was simply salmon with a dijon mustard glaze (and by glaze I mean olive oil and dijon mustard spread over top with a spoon). But it was tasty, and coupled with basmati rice and vegetables (also made by me), dinner was good.

As an aside, I now have enough cooked basmati rice to feed India. That stuff expands unlike any rice I've ever seen.

(Image is not my salmon. Who serves salmon with grapes?)

UnMatched

My month on Match.com expires today. The final tally looks something like this:

Profile viewed 1899 times
Emails received: 135
Winks received: 107
Guys I agreed to meet in person: 2
Guys I actually met in person: 1

The guy I met wasn't a love connection, but he was smart and kind and we had a nice time chatting so I'm ending this little adventure on good note.

After giving it one more go, I'm convinced Internet dating's not for me. Just like some people don't go to bars and others don't join clubs, online isn't the right venue for me to explore romance. It's strange because I am a huge fan of online connectivity in general and appreciate how we can create intimacy in what's essentially the least intimate space imaginable. But I now believe that for me, the randomness of chemistry exists only in person, and there's no substitute. That said, I do know a good number of people who've succeeded in finding love online, and I would never discount its potential for others.

It's just not my thing.

And I am totally okay with that.

A Splash of Cute

Have a good weekend. See you back here Monday.

Friday Fun

Courtesy of a friend who works at NASA:

Match Point

I played with the profile one last time. My subscription dies in about 4 days so it's really little more than a writing exercise for me at this stage. Here you go:

Three days ago, my best friend said, "If you want to be with a girl like me, start running and don't stop." She was talking about herself, but it's fair to say that applies to me too. It's not about drama or stress or making life harder than it needs to be. It's about having fun, pushing the limits, taking chances, and knowing anything worth having takes a little extra effort.

I'm going to let this little online experiment run out soon, but in the meantime, I thought it'd be good to change it up a bit.

Here's what's important to me: I take really good care of myself physically, and I'd like you to do the same. I'm not overly critical, but a beer gut at our age isn't cute. I'm ambitious and driven so I'm looking for a guy who appreciates that in me and has the same propensity to take initiative and get things done. My friends would say I'm the funny one, but my humor's more Jon Stewart than Adam Sandler. We don't need to be attached at the hip to know we're together. I've had several good relationships but haven't met the one. I'm willing to keep going until I do. The guy I'm looking for is whip smart, confident, sexy, accomplished, entertaining, open-minded, and ready for a real, grown-up relationship. I don't want to slow down. I want a guy who wants to keep up. I just traveled Spain by myself for three weeks. It's kind of like that.

Other stuff that's come up in the past few weeks:

1. I think the income question is awkward so I'm not answering it, but I can comfortably share that I've worked very hard over the years to be able to support myself, and it is important to me that you've done the same.

2. Spelling and grammar count with me.

3. If any of your photographs show you straddling something as if it's part of your anatomy, assume I'm not interested.

4. All of my photos were taken in the last 2 months. If you don't have more than one or the ones you have are blurry, also assume I'm not interested.

5. I'll go a little younger or a touch older than my specifications, but if you're old enough to be my Dad, you're too old to be my date. I know lots of girls are working out their issues. I'm good.

6. If you're in my favorites, it's probably because I'm figuring out the least ridiculous thing to write to say hello. Plus, a little part of me still likes the guy to make the first move.

7. I'd like to have a family someday. Not tomorrow. But eventually. If you're done having kids, then don't bother.

8. I'm an active person. Being in good shape has always been a big part of my life. I cannot stress this enough. If you aren't physically fit, please don't bother. I'm not going to be able to overlook it.

9. If you're under 30, I'm flattered. Not interested. But flattered. Thank you.

10. If you're turned off by my being totally candid, then we're not a match. The guys who usually dig me get it.

Someone's Bored At Work

This is kind of funny. Match lets you see who's viewed you, and this profile just popped up in my list:

I like to have big funky time at disco with my girlfiend and drink the gin. I am hairly like ape and like my women to be as well. If you can also bring your mom on our date that is good. I want to see what you will look like when you are old.

He's allegedly 5'5'' and has no photo so I'm assuming it's a joke.

Not A Morning Cat

First make the coffee. Then we can talk.

Home and the Homestretch

I'm back in town and just checked in on the fiasco that is Match.com. With less than a week to go until the month-long experiment ends, here's where we stand:

Guys who've read my profile: 1564
Emails received: 110
Winks received: 88
Guys I've agreed to meet in person: 1
Guys I've actually met in person: 0

If the scheduled drink/coffee comes through, I will have tied my record from last go-around. It's safe to say we are well on our way to declaring - with absolute conviction - that online dating is just not my thing.

Speaking of dating...

It's been about 25 years since I stopped thinking boys were icky, and I've had my fair share of interaction with the opposite sex. Little catches me off-guard anymore.

But once in a while - when I least expect it - I find myself struggling to make sense of the male mind, and it can be infuriating.

Time to send away for a new decoder ring. I think mine's broken.

UPDATE: Mystery solved. It wasn't the ring that was broken. It was the guy.

On The Road Again

Not that posting's been overabundant lately, but just a heads up that I'm going to be traveling for the next few days and most likely offline.

Have a great weekend. Try not to melt.

Catch you back here early next week unless something pressing pops up, and I can't resist the urge to have an opinion.

Male Fraud

It's all starting to smell a little sexist.

I'm not one to drop the words gender discrimination liberally, but it's tough to ignore the obvious. Turn up in Central Park with drugs, a sex toy, and a rope tied around your neck and your genitals, and we'll pretend it never happened. Transport a prostitute across state lines and humiliate your wife, and we'll give you your own show (with a female co-host who's got a history of putting down women). But be a woman with years of experience and an opinion and get fired instantaneously.

On first blush, what Octavia wrote was definitely controversial and inflammatory. I don't support or excuse her words. But take a minute to read her follow-up apology and explanation, and it makes sense she said what she did. In fact, reading her post makes me think that she has more knowledge of Middle Eastern history and affairs in her pinky than most - if not all - of the rest of the CNN staff put together.

In the interest of full disclosure, I did have some interaction with Octavia during my tenure at CNN. Because we covered the Internet, we often turned to Octavia for help clarifying and often verifying online content related to the war on terrorism and for help navigating some of the more prolific extremist websites. She was always generous with her knowledge and time, and like other seasoned correspondents let go in the last couple of years - Kelli Arena, Miles O'Brien, Jamie McIntyre - I have no idea how CNN plans to replace her. I would not, however, be the least bit surprised if Jon Klein's got a younger, generically prettier, less-seasoned female reporter waiting in the wings to take Octavia's spot.

Twitter's dangerous because of its constraints, and I'm surprised that the network that fired Chez for blogging (even though he was never a public face of CNN and never revealed his affiliation with the network) would give its on-air personalities free rein to spout unchecked in 140 characters or less. But I am even more shocked at the blatant double and triple standards that keep emanating from this former bastion of trusted and respected news. Be a guy who breaks the law, no problem. Be a woman with an opinion, buh-bye. If you're going to defend hiring Spitzer by saying he apologized so that makes him a-ok, how can you fire Octavia after she not only apologized but also eloquently and thoughtfully explained the meaning behind her remark?

And you know what's even more pathetic? As a fellow former CNNer pointed out this morning as she sent along the news of Octavia's dismissal, the senior editor of Middle East affairs gets canned, but this crap gets branded news. I could not be more proud to no longer be affiliated with CNN.

UPDATE: I just had the fleeting thought of googling CNN and controversial comments simply to see if anything turned up that might jog my memory as to how CNN has handled possibly problematic opinions in the past. I didn't have to dig deep. I'd forgotten that this is the same network that was more than thrilled to give Erick Erickson a platform on national TV less than four months ago. He had a whole collection of incendiary and offensive online opinion in the can before he was even hired. One tweet with an apology and explanation and Octavia's toast? You do the math. Something's off. It doesn't add up.

Eye Spy y Espana

Today's adventure took me to the opthamologist to see about the intermittent headaches that keep turning up above my right eye. The good news is nothing's askew. My eyes are just really dry, and the doctor thinks that along with general dehydration is what's causing me discomfort. I don't know if there's ever such a thing as drinking enough water when it's so brutally hot outside, but I'm going to make a point of trying.

In more exciting news, how about Spain? I was out and about and missed watching the 1-0 win over Germany to advance to the World Cup Final, but I can only imagine how the country is celebrating right now. Via Facebook, I know my Madrid friends are ecstatic. Sunday's going to be epic. I wish I were there with them to watch.

No Deal

I realize content's been ultra light around here the past few days, but truth be told, there hasn't been much to share. I had a good long weekend. Spent the first half of Saturday at the pool and the second half at the Nats game. Sunday was mellow in prep for a big night out which turned out to be a lot of fun. Friends. Fireworks. The full 4th experience.

Today I kicked back into pro mode and went to meet with some PR folks about a possible gig. The spot that caught my eye would have had me working on some of the new eHealth initiatives you'll start hearing about as health care reform implementation starts picking up steam. But the people I met with saw something else they liked in my experience and wanted to take me down an alternate route. Problem was that route involves working with a large health insurance company.

As you can imagine, that's a cut and dry deal breaker for me.

Everyone I met with was extremely cool, but after we sussed out the chasm between my wants and their needs, we cut the scheduled itinerary short. It was unquestionably the appropriate move.

I suspect this may be an issue with other PR firms in DC as many take on a large scope of varied clients, and I suppose for some, that variety is acceptable. However, having dedicated the past couple of years to fighting big insurance with everything I had, I don't have any room to negotiate or compromise.

Just a few months ago, I created "Big Insurance: Sick of It." Something like that sticks. It's an open and shut case. No deal.

Online upDating

I did play with the profile again yesterday - prior to Mister Softee's correspondence - just to tidy and consolidate a touch. In the interest of keeping you in the loop, here's how it stands at the moment:

I tried this for a month about 6 months ago, but after the guy who emailed me daily for 2 weeks and disappeared when I asked if he had a phone (If I had to guess? Prison. Or married), the guy who complained about paying for dinner on the first date (He's the only one I actually agreed to meet in person), and the countless "not even remotely appropriate"s, I said I was done. Then I went abroad for a month and came back with the crazy thought that I might be willing to try one more time. A couple of my best friends moved away recently - one for love and one for work - so I figured why not attempt to broaden out the social circle a touch.

Here's what's important to me: I take really good care of myself physically, and I'd like you to do the same. I'm ambitious and driven so I'm looking for a guy who appreciates that in me and has the same propensity to take initiative and get things done. I love to laugh, but I don't get into Adam Sandler so much as Jon Stewart. We won't need to be attached at the hip to know we're together. I've had several good relationships but haven't met the one. I'm willing to keep going until I do. I don't like unnecessary drama. Other than that, let's see what happens.

UPDATE: After 24 hours, I recognized the need to add a few things.

1. I think the income question is awkward so I'm not answering it, but I can comfortably share that I've worked very hard over the years to be able to support myself, and it is important to me that you've done the same.

2. I like a guy who can spell. I'll leave it there.

3. If any of your photographs show you straddling something as if it's part of your anatomy, assume I'm not interested.

4. All of my photos were taken in the last 2 months. If you don't have more than one or the ones you have are blurry, assume I'm not interested. If you don't have any photos, don't bother. I won't even consider furniture on Craigslist that doesn't have a photo.

5. I'll go a little younger or a touch older than my specifications, but if you're old enough to be my Dad, you're too old to be my date. I know lots of girls are working out their issues. I'm good.

6. If you're in my favorites, it's probably because I'm figuring out the least ridiculous thing to write to say hello. Plus, a little part of me still likes the guy to make the first move.

7. If you don't have kids but have posted photos of yourself with kids, it doesn't make me think you're sensitive. It makes me think you have kids.

8. Athletic and toned doesn't mean you want to be athletic and toned. Or that you were athletic and toned in high school. As a rule, if you're overweight in your pictures, I'm not going to believe you are athletic and toned.

9. If you're under 30, I'm flattered. Not interested. But flattered. Thank you.

(This is fun. There may be more soon.)

Case In Point

Match message received last night:

hi

Totally unsolicited advice, and I really mean no harm by it . . . but your profile may actually scare off someone you like. It comes across as very negative -- like you're hard to please. My suggestion is to just keep it a bit more positive...and just politely ignore e-mails or winks from men you're not interested in.

I have the best intentions in sending this . .

M

My response:

No offense taken. If someone's scared off by what I'm looking for in a partner, then he's not the right guy for me. I don't think knowing what you want - and saying it - is a bad thing.

Match has proven to be less than impressive so far in so many ways. I have no expectations. And if my profile helps cut down on some of the ridiculousness I have to sift through, then it's serving its purpose. The right guys get the tone and find it amusing and/or refreshing. The rest are not my kind of guys.

Thanks though. I do appreciate the good intentions.

For the record, the random compliments on my profile - the words, not just the pictures - far outnumber any other type of email correspondence thus far.