Sunday Night Conversation

Me: It's SO not her baby.

John: It's really not.

(repeat every 20 minutes or so)

UPDATE: Here's the thing with this story. Let's say it's her baby, and Palin's not covering for her teenage daughter. After all, I do recognize the absurdity of the allegation (though you have to admit it's juicy and great fun to consider and discuss). Let's say Palin gave birth to a special needs child 4 months ago.

Who leaves a 4-month-old - let alone a 4-month-old with Down syndrome - to hit the campaign trail? I'm not talking about a working mom going back to work after maternity leave. That's tough enough. I'm talking about a woman taking off to jet around the country, diving head first into the grueling schedule of a Presidential campaign.

It gives one great pause.

Invesco Redux

Here are the last couple of shots I took with my Blackberry's camera Thursday night:





I called John from Invesco to ask if the emotion was translating through the TV, and he said it was. It wasn't just what Obama was saying - though I did like the speech. It was the feeling of optimism and hope that was carrying through the stadium. I'm not one to tear up over politics, but I did find myself watering a little towards the end. The moment made you feel anything was possible. That together we could be a great, well-respected nation again. That together we could rebuild what's been lost.

I consider myself incredibly lucky to have been there.

More Convention Coverage

Here's me multitasking while talking to John Aravosis outside the CNN grill (Chris in Paris took the shot right after Chris and I met in person for the first time ever. He's a doll):



Here's the very first casualty of the week (I tripped on a cobblestone and killed a shoe):



This is my boss - HCAN National Campaign Manager Richard Kirsch - talking at the mini Take Back America conference at The Big Tent:



Here is Representative Jan Schakowsky (D-IL) speaking passionately about health care reform at TBA:



Here is the line of people waiting to pick up tickets Thursday afternoon for the Google/Vanity Fair party Thursday night:



Here's a good shot of the crowd at Invesco Thursday night:

Fettuccine Afraido

How to make Lou Dobbs' head explode*:



*Lou's always been very nice to me so this isn't meant to be a knock on him. It's just when I saw the sign and took the picture, the joke wrote itself.

Modern Art

John noticed something about this family vacation photo:

Palin Comparison

I've been trying to read up on Sarah Palin in the last 16 hours or so, and there is absolutely nothing I've found out about her online that makes me believe she's qualified to be Vice President of the PTA, let alone the USA.

Nevermind the whole "I don't believe in science" thing - which is John's big hang-up at this stage. Let's take the rest of the list of what we know so far about this woman.

1. She eloped with her high school boyfriend in August 1988. She's got a son who is somewhere around 19/20. There is a very real possibility she was pregnant when she got married. Until I see a Track Palin's birth certificate, I'm keeping this door open a crack. You see, if she's a family values, abstinence-only conservative, then we've got ourselves a little hypocrisy to the nth degree.

UPDATE: Alan Colmes has got the details and also thinks this is suspicious.

2. She has 5 kids. 5. And one is only 4-months-old. With Down syndrome. Now, I'm not a parent so I don't know firsthand the difficulties in raising children, but I have a lot of friends who are parents of one or two children - many under the age of 3, and I can tell you they assure me it's no easy task. I would love to know how this woman plans to raise a 4-month-old with a condition that requires special attention and nurturing and will cause cognitive delays while running for - and then potentially serving as - Vice President of the United States.

3. We're at war. I'd like to know how often she's traveled abroad, met with foreign leaders, or studied world affairs. She was a journalism major at The University of Idaho. As a former professional reporter who got her Master's in Journalism, I can assure you it's not the most intellectually challenging of course curricula. I got a great hands-on education in everything I needed to know to get on-air at a small market TV station, but unless UI has some stellar communications program that I've never heard of before, I'm guessing Palin wasn't vying for valedictorian. In fact, here's the current UI four-year journalism plan. Second semester freshman year, you get to take PE.

4. She's not Hillary Clinton. If the McCain camp thinks tossing a woman on the ticket - any woman - is the key to grabbing frustrated Clinton supporters, they're delusional. While I had my own serious issues with Clinton and her campaign, I never would have suggested she was unqualified to be President. Had she won, I would have been confident in her ability to lead this nation. Hillary Clinton has proven over the years - with the exception of some of the rotten campaign decisions that ultimately led to her defeat - to be the kind of woman that other women could be proud of and admire. She's earned her spot at the top. Palin - on the other hand - is a former beauty pageant contestant who one might suspect has skirted by on the naughty librarian look. She's the kind of woman other women despise. She's the kind of woman that sets the women's movement back decades. She doesn't further shatter the glass ceiling. She covers the cracks in Hello Kitty band-aids and giggles at the pretty patterns.

Frankly, I'm shocked my more conservative friends online aren't downright mortified by McCain's choice for VP. Partisan politics aside, she's got nothing to offer on the national security front. She's a social conservative, but of frightening - almost lunatic - proportions. She's unqualified, unprepared, and an unbelievably inappropriate choice. She's the Harriet Miers of VP picks. Smart conservatives should be outraged their candidate is willing to gamble with the safety our nation for the sake of possibly pulling in a particular demo. It's dangerous and irresponsible, and McCain - and his supporters - should be ashamed.

I think Sarah Palin is going to tank. Hard. I think come debate time, Biden's going to make her look Miss Teen South Carolina on a good day. And for the record, there is nothing sexist about not supporting a female candidate who is all wrong for the job. In fact, backing the woman just because she's a woman is about as narrow-minded as it gets.

If Sarah Palin proves me wrong, I'll be the first to admit my mistake. But right now, I feel perfectly confident saying Candidate McCain could not have done worse.

UPDATE: Chez used the same headline. His post is here.

Invesco Photos

Here is the scene from where I sat:



Stevie Wonder:



Al Gore:



Biden:



Wide shot during Durbin intro:



Obama:



Obama:



I've got more, but that should get you started.

"They Just Stapled a Cheerleader to his Head"

It could be the lack of sleep talking but John and I have been discussing Palin all night, and he just came out with the best quote ever.

"It's like they just stapled a cheerleader to McCain's head to try and make him prettier."

I can't stop laughing.

I've also been traveling all day and am now getting my first look at some of the Palin info online. Did you know she has a 4-month-old with Down syndrome?

Yeah, let that sink in. 5 kids and one's only 4 months. With Down syndrome.

I've got a whole lot more to say on the topic, but I'm going to let it stew, get some sleep, and then weigh in.

Also, once I'm coherent again, you'll get the following from me in no particular order:

1. Biden recap and video
2. Obama speech recap and still photos
3. General convention overview and analysis

The poem of the week's up, btw. Note the editor.

It's good to be home. G-night.

Floored

I watched Biden's speech from the convention floor tonight. It was pretty cool. We made it inside in time to catch Clinton (bill) and Kerry (john) beforehand.

Here are a couple of photos:




I've got video of Biden and will get that online tomorrow along with a full account of the experience. (Let's just say it ends with me in bed with a Biden sign).

Anyway...

Interesting nugget I learned: The signs you see on TV are all a very well-coordinated stunt. Ushers pass out different signs at different times and give strict instructions as to when they should or shouldn't be waved. For example, the Obama/Biden signs at the very end were handed out during Biden's speech with the mandate that they were to be used only after Biden was done. When someone stood up with the sign too early, the ushers went nuts.

I guess I never paid much attention to the theatrics before, and seeing the orchestration up close and in person surprised me a tad.

All in all, it was a great night. There was one sour note, however. Seems the CNN DC bureau PR director - one of the most plastic and insincere women I've ever known, btw - has some strange distaste for me that has now manifested itself in a need to chastise me for things I haven't done at inappropriate times. See, according to Fake and Phony Barbie, at some point last night - when I was at a Politico party nowhere near the CNN "grill" (yes, they spent a crapload of money on a bar and grill) - I passed drinks over the CNN railing to some friends. The astounding part of our encounter is that when she stopped me walking by her in the convention hall, she said - and I quote - "Don't be passing drinks over the rail anymore." When I looked at her baffled and said, "I have no idea what you're talking about," she proceeded to doubt me and question why I was being defensive. "Just don't do it again," she said. She then went on to tell me people were "saying things," and she was just telling me "as a friend."

OK woman, just so we're clear. I didn't drink outside at your "grill," I didn't "pass drinks to friends," and I certainly don't appreciate being confronted and accused. The only reason I came by CNN at all was to reconnect and hang out with old friends- of which you are definitely not one. Never have been. Never will be.

I don't work for you anymore. Find someone else to hassle. Oh, and if there is a rumor going around about my bad behavior (which I seriously doubt, btw), let me assure you that if I were to do something disrespectful or inappropriate involving CNN, it would certainly be more gratifying than "passing drinks."

I'd do something like use my blog to tell you to get a life, leave me alone, and f*ck off.

Hall Pass

A new friend scored me a pass to see Hillary speak tonite. But dinner took a little long, and by the time we sauntered over to the Pepsi center, all the seats were taken. So I'm standing in a corridor watching Hillary on a TV monitor.

Bizarre.

Mile High?

Hi. I'm in Denver. Rumor has it there is a convention of some sort happening 'round these parts.

I'm going to head off in the direction of stuff and hope I stumble upon an appropriate gathering or two. The lack of information and/or instruction flowing this way is astounding.

I've got a car and a map. That's about it. A destination would be helpful, but if the morning continues on its current trajectory, I'm not expecting that level of detail to emerge anytime soon.

En Route

Mobile posting is a lot trickier than it looks. I'm now on a plane to Denver via Dallas after a weekend with extended pseudofamily. Long story. Anyway, cool thing happened over dinner last night. Turns out "insurance company rules" is making the rounds in Jersey. Not knowing it was my baby, someone mentioned it - as in "it's been sent to me at least 30 times."

I'm like a proud parent. I'll see the brain behind the video tomorrow night and look forward to sharing the good news.

Small victories.

Biden

I'm on vacation for a couple of days. But ... Yea!

B Aggressive

If Obama picks Biden and Biden gets to be the bad guy and say all the stuff Obama won't, how excited would I be?

Biden's always had a serious case of foot-in-mouth disease, but if he can keep it in check until November, he's going to be great fun to watch.

Personally, I like his tendency to screw up from time to time. It makes him more human/less stuffy Senator. But considering "bitter" was enough to throw the nation into a tizzy, I'm probably alone in that sentiment.

Off the Hook

Someone drunk dialed my work voicemail last night at 3:45am. I don't recognize the voice so it's entirely possible it was a wrong number. However, I do say my name on the outgoing recording.

It was a man. He slurred his words. He professed his love.

Good to know.

Lying in Wait

The new Harry & Louise ad debuted today. I'm not a fan. I'm not linking to it on principle.

I'm also not a fan of AHIP's being invited to speak at this morning's press event.

Why trust the insurance industry to fix the health care mess? It's like the old story of the fox and the gingerbread man.

Yeah, that ended well.

image created by thredder

Josh on Joe

Josh Marshall thinks Biden would be a good choice for VP. Duncan's less thrilled but not entirely turned off.

If you read this blog regularly, you know exactly where I stand on the subject.

Nice Memory

A friend just emailed me this photo of Cal and me from Feb 2005 - our very first week of Inside the Blogs.

Even though I wasn't able to get to NYC, I did watch Cal's memorial streamed live online. There was something wonderfully appropriate about being able to be there virtually and chat with his friends and family. Very Pseudo-esque.

Cal would have been proud.

What Not to Use in Your Online Dating Profile

"The 220-pound aircraft carrier playing with a broken nose. She's the Shaquille O'Neal of women's water polo."

- NBC commentator on Italy's Elisa Casanova during today's match against The Netherlands.

In Memoriam

Cal's Obit in the NYT. It's a full article, and it's well done.

There is a memorial party for him in the EV tonight. I don't think I am going to be able to make it. I am wrestling with that decision, but ultimately, I think I will be alright with it.

At least I hope I will.

Wiikend

Happy Friday. I am having a strange start to the weekend. I'm watching John explore the Everybody Votes Channel on our Wii. Don't ask. I have no idea.

Seeing as he has yet to update the poem of the week, it's tough to give you the usual link. I'll just point you to the blog and trust he'll get to it eventually.

Ok, now he just downloaded The Legend of Zelda. No joke. The classic. I totally adore this man.

Don't forget to check out his Sunday column here. I'm off to crack open a bottle of wine and indulge in a serious bout of Nintendo flashbacks.

Have a good one.

Miss Fortune

My friend and I went to a Chinese restaurant for lunch today and she got the following fortune:

You will be showered with good luch.

I'm sure it was supposed to be luck, but lunch would have been so much funnier.

Being Singled Out

One of the incidents that made Wednesday a little more stressful than it needed to be was another attack on our campaign by some of the single-payer folks online. Clearly the Austin truce expired when I wasn't looking, and in the absence of a true adversary - say a publicly-announced AHIP listening tour stop - some single-payer advocates renewed their anti-HCAN fervor. This time they targeted MoveOn.org for being a part of our coalition. Yesterday, MoveOn.org posted its response. It's important reading for anyone who wants to understand why our strategy is what it is.

As I told the single-payer faithful I met in Austin and have continued to stay in touch with, they are not off the mark in their ideology. In a perfect world, health care would be a universal right, and the profit-driven insurance industry would be gone altogether. But unfortunately, that's not the reality we live in. People are not comfortable with the notion of radical change that forces them to abandon the system they know and tolerate. No amount of education or information will alter human nature. It just is what it is.

Ezra Klein made an excellent point at Netroots Nation (during the single-payer panel, no less) about politics versus policy. The die-hards heard it but still soldier on in their own direction (which I can't begrudge them. I appreciate their commitment to their cause). But if you're at all confused or on the fence, it's worth a gander.

Speaking of Sh*t

AHIP is officially full of it.

They've put up a fact sheet about yesterday's stop in Detroit that attempts to counter our pointing out their shady behavior:

Washington, DC (August 13, 2008) – Health Care for America Now – an unprecedented coalition of labor unions, large community-based groups, women’s groups, doctors, nurses, small businesses, think tanks, and leading netroots activists – asks why the insurance industry’s front group – America’s Health Insurance Plans (AHIP) - is hiding the place and time of the second stop on its so-called listening tour.

“The health insurance industry claims it wants to listen to the people on how to reform our nation’s health care system. How do they expect to get real, honest feedback when they sneak around the country holding secret meetings in undisclosed locations?” says Richard Kirsch, National Campaign Manager, Health Care for America Now.

AHIP launched its sham listening tour in Columbus, Ohio on July 22, 2008 and was met with grassroots opposition of more than 200 people protesting the insurance industry’s shameful practices of putting corporate profits before people’s health. Today, it continues its charade with a meeting in Detroit, MI announced quietly with no indication of where or at what time.

No one from HCAN on the ground in Michigan - and we have solid infrastructure there - had any idea AHIP was holding an event.

Public forum? One of the largest churches in the area? Talking to union leaders and members? Recruiting participants? Please.

They snuck in and snuck out and are now trying to make it look like they planned and carried out a well-attended event. According to the Detroit Free Press, 6 women participated. 6:

Readus, Gorecki and Goolsby were three of six women who met at Second Ebenezer Church in Detroit at the request of the health insurance industry group AHIP, America's Health Insurance Plans. They talked to Chief Executive Karen Ignagni about their health care and insurance issues. This was AHIP's second meeting on health care reform in its Campaign for an American Solution.

Also, AHIP says a half dozen reporters showed up to the event. I've seen just this one article, and trust me, I've been looking.

These are the people we're asked to trust when they say things like, "We're working with you this time. We're coming to the table to find a solution. We care."

The insurance industry has no one's best interest in mind except its own. AHIP should save us all the trouble and just stop pretending. It's embarrassing.

UPDATE: Oh, this is rich. I just got an email from AHIP touting their sham. Classic. If they were holding a real listening tour, wouldn't they announce they were coming to town rather than publicize the stop once they'd already left?

Tough Sh*t

It's been a ridiculous day. In no particular order:

AHIP held the second of its "listening tour" roundtables today except it didn't bother to announce where in Detroit or at what time. Yes, good decision if you want to avoid HCAN partners showing up to call your bluff again. Bad decision if you want to pretend you actually care what people think.

We have hired a new advertising agency which means we've also had to not hire several other agencies. And by we, I mean I. I've learned something important about myself after having gone through this process. When given the option in the future of having to screen and select media firms or - say - have a tooth pulled, I'm going with dental surgery.

And finally, a big thank you to my brother who gave me my first good laugh today (see image):

Inflatable faeces raises a stink

A giant inflatable dog turd brought down a power line after being blown away from a Swiss museum.

The artwork, entitled Complex Shit, was carried 200 metres on the night of 31 July, reportedly breaking a greenhouse window before it landed again.

The sculpture, by American artist Paul McCarthy, was equipped with a safety system that should have deflated it.

The fake faeces has been returned and will remain on display at the Zentrum Paul Klee in Bern until October.

McCarthy is well known for his inflatable artworks, two of which - Blockhead and Daddies Bighead - were displayed outside the Tate Modern in London in 2003.

The Zentrum Paul Klee, which opened in 2005, houses a collection of about 4,000 works by the noted Swiss painter.

Required Reading

NPR on the presidential candidates' health care plans:

A poll released last week found more than 80 percent of those surveyed think the nation's health care system needs fundamental change. Both Arizona Sen. John McCain and Illinois Sen. Barack Obama are promising that, but change is really the only feature their plans have in common.

In Sickness and In Health

Kevin Sack's got an article today in the NYT about people who marry or divorce for health insurance:

In a country where insurance is out of reach for many, it is not uncommon for couples to marry, or even to divorce, at least partly so one spouse can obtain or maintain health coverage.

There is no way to know how often it happens, but lawyers and patient advocacy groups say they see cases regularly.

In a poll conducted this spring by the Kaiser Family Foundation, a health policy research group, 7 percent of adults said someone in their household had married in the past year to gain access to insurance. The foundation cautions that the number should not be taken literally, but rather as an intriguing indicator that some Americans “are making major life decisions on the basis of health care concerns.”

Stephen L. J. Hoffman, an officiant at a wedding chapel in Covington, Ky., said he was no longer shocked that one of 10 couples cite health insurance as the reason they stand before him.

Where are all those family values/save marriage people now? Where's the outrage? Maybe they should be worrying less about same sex couples who marry for love and more about fixing the dysfunctional health care system.

Wondering what you can do about it? Start by calling Congress.

image: Michael Stravato for The New York Times

Trust Us

From the everything old is new(s) again file, CNN has found a way to make cutting back sound cool:

CNN has announced it is expanding its domestic newsgathering presence while introducing a relatively new title into the lexicon: "all-platform journalists."

The all-platform journalists will join traditional general assignment reporters and CNN's roster of show-based correspondents in 10 new U.S. cities.
...

The expansion can go forward due in large part to advances in technology. CNN uses lightweight kits combining cameras, editing and transmission technology (satellite and Internet) into a laptop-based system.

This concept is not new. We had a name for it back in the day. It was called being a one-man band, and it was how local stations got news on the air...cheap. For $15,000/year, you too could do it all(!) all by yourself(!)

Calling your young, inexperienced, willing to work for peanuts, aspiring on-air talent "all-platform journalists" is hysterical - in an 'I can't believe they're all falling for it' kind of way.

Someone should ask CNN how many seasoned reporters and photogs they're planning to let go once their "all-platform journalists" are in place.

Call to Action

We're launching a new campaign drive today. Call Congress.

You can do it two ways.

1. We've got a toll-free number that will connect you through the Congressional switchboard. It's 1-888-436-8427.

or

2. You can use our new Click-to-Call feature online that will bypass the extra human and also toss you through for free.

Truth be told, I've never been one for calling my Members of Congress to complain about something, but now might be a good time to remind these people how they got their jobs and what we expect from them. Let's turn the do-nothing government into a do-something body of health care reform.

And if that's not enough inspirational incentive for you, guess who got recruited to voice both outgoing messages?

Go Us (them?)

I suppose I'm still technically part of the AMERICAblog family, so this is cool. Way cool.

Outlook Good

A little random publicity's never a bad thing.

We're totally making health care reform happen.

Tech Meltdown

I have the worst luck with gadgets. First the powercord to my Mac surrenders the will to live. Then this morning, my blackberry goes on strike. Now, the scab berry I just got from Verizon is defective. The rollerball won't roll left.

Since I won't be able to get online from home until sometime tomorrow, I'm posting your weekend links now. Here's the updated poem of the week. You think that's slamming? You should check out John's column here on Sunday.

Have a fabulous few days off. I'll catch you Monday. Until then, I'm Jacki Unplugged.

Discord

Mobileposting is in full effect b/c the cord for my Mac is officially toast. I've ordered a new one, but it will be a few days before it gets here.

Apologies for no decent content today. I'll aim for something better tomorrow.

G'night.

Letting It All Hang Out

I've seen her naked (I know, who hasn't). In person. Sitting next to me. In a bar.

True story. The night of the big Northeast Blackout - August 14, 2003 - my friends and I were hanging out at our usual spot in the East Village. We had no "emergency plan" but all ended up at Key Bar anyway. For me, it just seemed like the place to go so I walked downtown from work. I figured my friends would turn up there eventually. They all did.

We drank some beers and then went next door to eat. The Peruvian restaurant had to cook up its food before it all spoiled so we sat outside and indulged. As we were finishing up and just chatting, a human-drawn chariot pulled up. Two topless men pulling a modern rickshaw. Out poured photographer David Lachapelle (NSFW) and his muse - Ms. Amanda Lepore (NSFW). She was completely nude.

Amanda posed, and David took photos. The crowd at the Phoenix across the street went wild. They were clearly fans. Then for some strange reason, Amanda opted not to patronize the establishment catering to her base but rather come across the street and drink with us.

She was more than welcome. We were happy to have her. We just kind of wanted her to put on some clothes.

The most memorable line of the night came from a friend who was notoriously exquisite in her naivite. When Amanda first stepped out of the carriage and turned towards us, my friend leaned over and whispered,"Does yours look like that? Is that normal?"

It's not - and neither is having that much firsthand information bouncing around in the back of your brain.

So I've opted to share. TMI? Too bad.

Really Random

The Nation called to fact-check an article today. How novel! I'll post a link when it's published.

On a totally separate unrelated note, I found out today my dermatologist doesn't take my new health insurance. I've got a PPO so I'll submit the bill and see what comes back. But just the thought of having to initiate the process gives me hives. Not real hives. Emotional ones. You can't see them. They're on the inside.

Timed Out

Men might not know this rule, but when cleaning out your closets, experts advise you toss anything you haven't worn in a year.

If I apply the same standard to other aspects of my life - say, how often I read the physical newspaper - it would make sound fiscal advice to cancel my subscription.

I get everything I need online by the time I even make it out the door. The paper just becomes a prop I carry to the office and toss aside for when I have a free moment during the day. I never do, and by early evening, it's in the recycling bin just as neatly folded as it was when it started its commute.

Apologies to the dying newspaper industry, but it's time to say goodbye to home delivery of The New York Times.

p.s. I'm totally keeping Sunday. I'm a sucker for the puzzle.

Humor Me

Here's a little levity to start the week. These signs keep popping up around our 'hood. We giggle every time we pass one:

Happy Birthday, Baby

I'm a lucky, lucky girl.

Goodbye

I've lost a friend.

I didn't want to overshadow yesterday's good with the overwhelmingly sad so I decided to wait a day to share, but I found out yesterday morning that my friend Cal passed away.

We don't know anything yet other than his landlord found him, and the police are investigating. He was best known as =Judgecal= and many would say he was an online legend. I knew Cal fairly well through Pseudo, but I met Mark in DC through CNN. He'd hate that I was sharing that little nugget publicly (though he would appreciate and respect the provocation and embrace it wholeheartedly), but Cal was just a nickname. His real name was Mark, and Mark was the guy I got to know in 2005. He's the guy behind the tattoos and the piercings and the darkness. He's the guy I learned to care for and will miss. A lot.

Cal and I could not have been more different. He'd been at Pseudo for years. He was an icon. His show - High Weirdness - was the most popular weekly show on the network. He knew the world online better than anyone. He found an ease working in and around it. I was intimidated by Cal. We shared office space in this dark dingy corner of the building of Broadway and Houston, and he was just about 10 times cooler than I was on so many levels. He never wore shoes, just rollerblades, and he always seemed to look at me as if I were too clean-cut to even get the joke most of the time. He'd flirt on occasion, but I never felt there was any substance to the act - just his feeling it was kind of the thing to do because I happened to be the female in the room at the time. The women he went after were larger than life - big, busty rock chicks with years of hard living under their belts and stories to tell. We had nothing in common.

I grew up in the suburbs of Miami. He ran away from home. I went to a private prep school. He was smart and self-taught and learned from the streets. I studied. He lived. But when we met at Pseudo and ended up working together, something clicked. We balanced each other out.

Cal and I lost touch after Pseudo folded, but then David Borhman - our former CEO - called and asked us both to fly out to SF to interview together at TechTV. He was consulting at the time and wanted to bring interactivity to the network. The formal business environment was a rough fit for the two of us as a team. I needed to shift back into the comfort of conventional TV mode. Cal stayed true to his raw defiance. We were mismatched outside the walls of Internetland. I remember having some time off between meetings and dinner. I went back to the hotel to shower and change and call my boyfriend at the time. Cal went to a strip joint. In a weird way, I admired his rebellion.

Neither of us got the gig, but we crossed paths again in the following years. He managed to score a role in helping the new owners of the Pseudo assets figure out what they had and what they could do with it. I struck a deal to organize their library of tapes in exchange for access to my old on-air work which I needed to move forward in the business. We didn't chat much around that time, but it was good to know he was keeping busy and doing alright.

Then in 2005, I was unemployed and looking for work. Kuma laid off most of its fulltime staff, and their freelance opportunities weren't lucrative enough to cover the bills. I sent out a note to everyone I knew saying I was looking, and Bohrman got in touch. He sent a note asking for a conference call ... with Cal. Bohrman was now a bureau chief at CNN and wanted to cover the Internet on TV. Could the two of us come to DC and help him figure it out? We both said yes.

Cal and I traveled to DC together on Valentines Day 2005 - the first of 5 months of weekly commutes to and from the city. We preferred the train, and we had a routine where we would just plan to meet in the quiet car each Monday morning. He'd fill me in on his weekend - when he wasn't too grumpy and tired to share - and I'd recount mine - when he wasn't too grumpy and tired to listen. Then we'd sleep.

We lived in the same corporate housing in DC and got to know each other well. We went out together a lot. We shared a lot of meals. A lot of conversation. A lot of drinks. I know he was uncomfortable here. Out of his element. DC didn't suit him. Corporate didn't suit him. He was supposed to be my partner on TV and got a bad case of cold feet right before air the first day. I know he regretted that decision, and it haunted him. Being behind the scenes was uncomfortable for the man who was larger than life, and ultimately, he bowed out. I got on the train one Monday morning, and he wasn't there. That was the end.

Cal would email me or text me from time to time. It was always a kind word. During our time in DC, he let me in on some secrets. He brought down the wall. He was more human and vulnerable to me now. He'd become Mark. I liked that guy. And I cared about him. I worried when he was unhappy. I worried the sadness would swallow him whole. I didn't want him to be lonely. I knew he wanted to love.

I got a note from Cal about a month ago forwarding me the news that Josh Harris had declared Pseudo a fake company. In fact, there was nothing false about it. It was probably the most real venture I had ever been a part of. It was the kind of place where someone like Cal could thrive because it felt like home.

When I found out yesterday morning that Cal had passed, I scrambled for information. What happened? How did it happen? Who was there for him? Was he alone? I started to cry. I dug up old email and scoured for personal information. I was looking for anything that would help his friends and the cops find his next of kin. I found his Social Security number in an old email and passed that along. It didn't feel like enough. I just wanted to do more. Even though he was gone, I wanted to prove to Cal that I cared. That he had a friend he could count on.

I miss him already. He left a mark. The group email now compiled to share memories and information is miles long and proves to me that he touched more people than he knew. He had friends from Pseudo, from the Burning Man community, from Crobar, and from life in NYC. If no one finds his family, it's alright. He had family. He had all of us.

I remember when Cal and I took that trip to San Francisco, we had a few hours to kill before flying back to NYC. He took me to the Haight. We walked the streets, and he told me stories about his time there. We stopped into a pizza joint to grab a slice. He found a homeless girl begging for money to buy a ride back home. He befriended her. He bought her food. He listened. He cared.

Cal wasn't perfect, and I don't mean to paint him with false gloss now that he's gone. But he was truly unique and special in his imperfections, and I believe that more than anything, he just wanted to be loved.

I can only hope he passed on knowing he was.

more: I just found this old write about Cal's work at the Republican National Convention in 2000. I remember it well. He was a rockstar.

other friends remember: here and here

Surprise

Seems my Curve takes fuzzy pictures, but here's a shot of Joe right before cutting the cake at his birthday party tonight. It was tough to tell if he was truly surprised, but I suspect we pulled it off.

I know it's not your birthday, but here's a gift - the new poem of the week! Then Sunday, treat yourself to a little something extra with John's column here.

Normally, I'd say see you Monday, but I plan to post a little this weekend for various reasons so check back in if you have some time.

Later.