Counter(intuitive) Programming

If presidential candidate debates are held for the benefit of the public, why schedule one to coincide with the season premiere of a TV show as popular as Lost?

Yeah, it's the first Democratic frontrunners' one-on-one, but Obama and Clinton would have to promise something pretty extraordinary to tear me away from Sawyer.

And even then...

On The Right Track

Patrick Ruffini - who is extremely well-respected in the world of online political communication - is organizing/publicizing an anti-Hillary/Obama one-day fundraiser for Republicans. His description of the campaign on Facebook reads:

F7: One Day to Stop Hillary (and Obama) is a grassroots campaign by Rightroots to mobilize thousands of Republican donors to contribute to our party's nominee on Thursday, February 7, 2008. Without our support, the Republican nominee could be buried by Clinton and Obama's cash advantage shortly after winning the nomination. Help the nominee hit the ground running on Day One by taking the pledge and coming back on February 7th to make history.

The mechanics run through Rightroots - the Republican/conservative answer to ActBlue - the online money site for Democratic candidates.

What strikes me about Ruffini's effort is the emphasis on donating to the Republican cause no matter who the eventual nominee is on either side. The message is one of party unity and solidarity. It's something conservatives do well.

Progressives have proven much better at online fundraising since the Internet became a player in politics, but from an analytic perspective, it's good to see a strong push by someone like Ruffini in an effort to get his camp on board. If he can work out how to get it to stick, a cohesive effort to push the party on the right could eventually trump a splintered left.

So while the right's working hard to catch up online, maybe the left needs to hone in on setting the hairline fractures that often handicap the Democratic party as a whole in the long run.

Knowing what you need to know

is half the battle when it comes to this apartment. A nice man and two realtors just circled through. The nice man asked two questions:

1. How long have you been here?
and
2. How's the water pressure?


I would have gone with "Do you have a working toilet?"

I Spoke Too Soon

Apparently, last night's State of the Apartment address was prematurely optimistic.

My toilet just died.

UPDATE: Grayton Plumbing just showed up, assessed the problem, and claimed it would cost more than $250 to fix a broken fill valve. Do a little Goggling. A fill valve runs about $12. However, somehow this service fell into their "category 4" pricing of $233 plus tax. I called the signif and we made a co-executive decision to decline. I've moved on to plan B. It's not a fully-hatched plan just yet, but I know it's not going to set me back more than $250.

Btw, this is not the first time a plumbing company has tried to rip me off. Last time I had a broken accessory in a toilet, it was a $9 part and the repair guy wanted to replace the entire toilet claiming it was "just old." What is with these people? Where do they learn how to try scam the customer so casually? Is there a class? A trade show? It's just astounding.

Thompson Got 1%

Who are the people that turn out to vote for the candidates no longer running?

Some would say they are rebellious souls "making a statement." The cynic in me suspects it's more likely they're not aware their guy's actually dropped out.

Especially in Florida.

"Bueller? Bueller?"

Turns out you can make this stuff up, but you don't always have to.

My signif and I were watching the last Democratic New Hampshire debate thinking Governor Bill Richardson would make an excellent Saturday Night Live parody. He was so excluded from any significant conversation that we suspected he must be zoning out regularly. We joked that his answers hinted at a slight disconnect - that perhaps there was so much time between his shots at weighing in that he wasn't really hearing the questions. Here's how we acted it out in my living room:

Charles Gibson: "Governor Richardson, do you agree?"

Governor Richardson: "I'm the ony one who's run a state. I've balanced the budget 5 times. I've...

I'm sorry. What was the question?"

Then today - just now - my signif forwards me this from a Washington Post write about Richardson's trying to figure out whom to endorse:

"I had just been asked a question -- I don't remember which one -- and Obama was sitting right next to me. Then the moderator went across the room, I think to Chris Dodd, so I thought I was home free for a while. I wasn't going to listen to the next question. I was about to say something to Obama when the moderator turned to me and said, 'So, Gov. Richardson, what do you think of that?' But I wasn't paying any attention! I was about to say, 'Could you repeat the question? I wasn't listening.' But I wasn't about to say I wasn't listening. I looked at Obama. I was just horrified. And Obama whispered, 'Katrina. Katrina.' The question was on Katrina! So I said, 'On Katrina, my policy . . .' Obama could have just thrown me under the bus. So I said, 'Obama, that was good of you to do that."'

Dodd dropped out before New Hampshire so this probably wasn't the same debate.

But it's just too perfect nonetheless.

It's Not Easy Being Green

I just rediscovered the mass email I sent around last time I was looking for work.

See, a few years ago, the video game company I was with downsized and laid off almost everyone right before Christmas. So after a night of well-deserved indulgence on New Years Eve and a couple of recuperation days afterwards, I took a friend's sage advice and fired off a general email to everyone I knew. It may seem silly, but it worked. It's how I landed at CNN.

Here's what it looked like. I've made some simple changes just to update it. Turns out it's almost 100% recyclable:

Hi all,

I hope the holiday season start of the new year finds you well and in good spirits.

Unfortunately, my run at Kuma Reality Game CNN has come to a close Another start-up has stalled, and I am going to be unemployed come the first of the year February.

That said, I'm actively job hunting and just ask that you keep me in mind if you hear of anything applicable. Most of my experience is in television and Internet production, but I'm open to suggestions if something else you think might be of interest comes up.

Email me if you'd like a resume. I'm not going to mass email that around - although I do suspect it could make for excellent holiday Valentine's Day wrapping paper in a pinch.

Thanks!

xo
Jacki

All Sales Are Final

Did you know you can buy caskets at Costco?

I've been invited to hit the wholesale club with a friend this week (It's what women of leisure do, I hear) so I started snooping online just to see what's in stock these days. I noticed the heading Funeral tucked in next to Furniture and thought, "Funeral? Really?"

You can get caskets and urns and other assorted keepsakes.

I'm guessing these are some of the rare items at Costco they don't sell in bulk. How depressing would that be?!?


image courtesy kenrockwell.com

State of the Apartment

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am pleased to sit stand before you this evening and type pronounce that the state of the apartment is ... strong.

(applause)

The kitchen sink no longer leaks. The shower sprays down. And the heat...is...on.

(applause)

As we look ahead, we can only speculate what the coming months may bring. We can only process the information we know to be true. It is true that we shall face a new unknown. But it is a future we embrace with optimism and...with...hope.

(applause)

Hope that as the apartment comes under great scrutiny, potential buyers don't mind the splintered floor, some outdated wiring, a leaky tub, or cracked tile. Hope that gaps between the ceiling and wall are seen as openings of opportunity and not widening rifts of danger. Hope that with new guidance and new cash leadership, this once impressive townhouse will be restored to its former glory and stand proud again.

It is with this of message of great faith and expectation that I say thank you... and goodnight.

(applause)

Missing the Mark

Target, for sure. Look who's just asking for it.

Have we learned nothing? Limit yourself to traditional media, and you might as well superglue an "I'm out of touch" sticker to your forehead.

Target should fire its PR co stat and revamp its corporate policy, like, yesterday.

p.s. For the record, I think the "bullseye" complaint's absurd. Someone's got too much time on her hands and is dealing with some residual sexual repression. But for G-d's sake, what company today publicizes its ignorance about the shifting communications landscape? And good for Amy (and/or her readers) for forwarding Target's communique to the NYT.

One more thing: There seems to be some convo in Amy's comments about how the stir over this one ad is muddling the message of objectification and sexualization of women in advertising and whatnot. Amy's lesson in all this is the importance of picking your battles wisely. The Target ad was probably not the best *um* target seeing as how making a big deal out of a fully-clothed woman making snow angels makes the complaining party appear out of touch too.

flickr photo by Bennett 4 Senate

Case in Point

Two versions of Obama's South Carolina victory speech have now been watched on Youtube a combined total of almost 85,000 times. That's 85,000 views in less than 24 hours. Heck, it's been less than 17 hours.

That means people either rushed online to rewatch a speech they loved or jumped online to catch a speech they missed. Either way, when was the last time a political speech garnered such an extended audience so quickly?

Internet Report 2

Took a glance at YouTube this morning just to see if there was anything noteworthy I'd missed recently. A quick dig into the Most Viewed channels This Month turned up an interesting nugget:


Obama's 12th.

Ron Paul's 45th.

Clinton's 64th.

It's tough to garner anything definitive or scientific from this info, but to me it would suggest Obama is in top contention for the title of the consummate YouTube candidate. He's praised for his ability to inspire a crowd, and as I've said before, YouTube gives him the opportunity to reach voters not inclined to turn out to hear him in person.

The popularity of his channel - as opposed to one novelty video in particular - tells me Obama's getting the most out of the video-sharing site whether he's working at it or not. Seems just making his words (and how they're delivered) easily heard is enough.

Saturday Morning Inbox

Where do pets come from?

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, " I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased .

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.

thanks mom

Pointless Observation

What's with the recent rash of Clinton thumb?

Edwards may have kicked off the resurgence. Huckabee used it in last night's debate. I even saw it today in a Head On commercial. (No kidding. Watch the Head On video here.)

It's not a natural movement. Try it. It's awkward. You've got to practice that puppy. And it kind of hurts your wrist.

What Am I Missing?

I'm confused. It's clear from TPM's reporting that CNN is blocking James Carville, Paul Begala, Robert Zimmerman, and other unnamed contributors from appearing on the network until after the primary processes are over (unless they are acting in a "surrogate" capacity) because they are allegedly too closely aligned with or supportive of particular candidates.

Um. So?

What's changed?

If guests/commentators/analysts are introduced properly, I'd guess the audience is smart enough to interpret what they contribute with the appropriate grains of salt.

These are intelligent men with a lot of political campaign experience between them. I, for one, am interested in what they have to say as the process continues. I'd also venture to guess that you'd be hard-pressed to round up qualified experts in Washington who don't have some history of affiliation or current transparent bias. Heck, George Stephanopoulos has his own show where he talks to everyone, and he was as Clinton as it gets.

That aside, I'm also missing the confirmation of an Obama campaign influence on CNN's internal decision-making. If his people did complain, then shame on them for making the call and shame on CNN for caving. But until there is a significant quote from someone in the know truly justifying his team's involvement, I'd just as soon chalk it up to rumor and assume it's not the case.

Hello my URL is...

I suspect if I log in to download this video, I'm going to start getting even more "Enlarge your member!" spam than I already do. But you should click through and watch it if you haven't already. It's called "Want to Come To My GOOGLE Party?" and it acts out what would happen if all the popular websites were in the same room at the same time.

Granted, I'm the chick that threw a party for bloggers, but I thought it was very clever.

Hattip: signif.

Happy Friday.

A Night to "Treasure"

After first absorbing conservative online debate reaction here and here, I turned left to check out who else was watching and what was being said. That's how I found out the NYT had officially endorsed Senator Clinton. You should read the whole piece, but this is the 5 second elevator pitch:

Mrs. Clinton is more qualified, right now, to be president.

And this is just as important:

As strongly as we back her candidacy, we urge Mrs. Clinton to take the lead in changing the tone of the campaign. It is not good for the country, the Democratic Party or for Mrs. Clinton, who is often tagged as divisive, in part because of bitter feeling about her husband’s administration and the so-called permanent campaign. (Indeed, Bill Clinton’s overheated comments are feeding those resentments, and could do long-term damage to her candidacy if he continues this way.)

Funny, Brian Williams just mentioned the Times' endorsements on TV. McCain's got the nod on the Republican side which as Kate notes is not necessarily a good thing.

I'm Having a Day

But that aside, via TVNewser, MSNBC's got a GOP debate tonight, and they're going to ask viewers to text in who they thought won.

Is Ron Paul invited? If so, I'll tell you now who won. Paul.

How long is it going to take for MSM organizations to figure out that any unscientific poll that involves social media or technology is going to mean diddly squat? Paul's people are so plugged in that he's going to come out on top every...single...time.

And the MSM's reporting of anything of substance based on this "viewer" input without any sort of caveat or disclaimer is absurd and meaningless.

I warned you I was having a day.

The Line, the Switch, and the Wardrobe

You know the old joke - "My TiVo thinks I'm gay" ?

Well, I think my DVR is gay and wants me to learn how to make it clothes.

I've got a couple of shows set to record each week. The settings clearly state I want only new episodes - first showings - on one particular channel.

And yet, I have 18 versions of Project Runway. None is new. I keep canceling the extras, and my DVR keeps resetting to record them anyway.

I can't sew. I can't even reattach a button. But now I'm googling "DVR cozy."

No luck, but I did find instructions on how to make a Lion TV/Monitor Cozy.

Maybe if I humiliate the TV, the DVR will surrender.

Liveblogging the Train Wreck

So my signif is off writing, and I've succumb to the devil that is bad network TV. Right now, this new show - The Moment of Truth - is starting, and I'm already feeling really dirty.

People choose to out themselves and their family members and friends for cash. Ah, money.

I'm all for honesty. I'm not in favor of divulging personal secrets on TV.

First question: (The guy's a personal trainer.)
Have you ever cancelled an appointment with a client for being sick when you really weren't?
Yes
Ok, SO not a big deal. Who hasn't called in "sick" when not so sick?

Second question: Have you ever checked yourself out in the mirror?
Sure

So far, easy street. But I'm no dummy. I know this is going to get bad - really bad - really fast.

And yet I cannot turn away.

I need a shower.

9:20pm: Back from commercial. I'm hearing "harder" and "more revealing."

Question 7: Would you encourage your wife (who is sitting right there) to get lipo if her belly got flabby?
The dope said yes. Yup, this is where the marriage falls apart.

Question 9: Ever had sex with someone you just met?
Yes
He's a dude. A former pro football dude. That's a given.

Question 10: Another marriage destroyer. Ever done something that might make your wife not trust you?
Yes again.

And this ruined marriage is worth how much cash? Because when the show's over, this guy goes home with an insecure/jealous wife. Nice parting gift. Thanks for playing.

Commercial 2. I should turn it off and go read something. Something cleansing. A volume of poetry perhaps.
But I owe it to you - the reader - to persevere. I sacrifice for you. I watch in shame so you don't have to.

Halfwayish @ 9:28pm: $25,000 on the line

Speaking of online, the question is ... Do you flirt online?
He said no. His wife doesn't buy it. Turns out he's not fibbing though. And with that, it continues.

Oh wait. The host just mentioned they've only been together a couple of years. Danger.

And now we have a lit fuse. The guy just said he's held out on having kids b/c he's not sure he'll be with his wife forever. She's asking him to keep going b/c...wait for it... she wants to know! When did couples decide this was the type of information best discussed with an audience of millions?

I don't know how much more I can take. I feel bad for them. It's the same feeling I got when I ordered a drink from Flora from The Real World: Miami. Because once the show was over and Flora had sufficiently exposed her personal life on television, she went back to being a bartender on South Beach. And while she was pouring my drink, I kept thinking how weird it was that I knew everything there was to know about her, and yet I was a complete stranger. She knew nothing about me other than what beverage I craved on that particular evening. It was just creepy.

Oooo.Oooo. As I was looking for a good link for Flora, the guy got called out. He may have "touched a client" more than required. The wife looks pissed. He's toast.

I'm done with this. The second guy's up now, and I'm assuming it's more of the same. You get the picture.

The Moment of Truth...

It's truly horrific.

You Don't Say?

Watch President Clinton hand Jessica Yellin her ass on a platter.

I know Jessica, and she's always been nice to me, but I have to say in this case, he's right.

UPDATE 4/17/08: I ran into Jessica today, and we had the chance to sit down and catch up. In the interest of full honesty and disclosure, I mentioned I'd written about her on this site. I didn't want her to stumble on it and think I was taking a dig. She gave me some inside dirt on what went down that day and why she asked the question. After hearing her explanation and knowing what I know now about the Clintons, I am inclined to amend my stance and shift my assessment. I do, however, still stand behind my support of Stewart.

It's similar to Jon Stewart's famous Crossfire appeal:



For my friends who worked on Crossfire and loved the show, I respect your right to question Stewart's tactic and/or choice of venue. (This was the argument I heard time and time again while on the inside. And I got where the emotion was coming from.)

However, in my eyes, neither detracted from his being right. Not one bit.

Via Shoptalk, a link to Jay DeDapper's blog where he describes getting attacked in the West Village.

I'm glad he's alright. I'm also glad he wrote about what happened. It's a valuable reminder to be aware and make smart choices no matter how comfy we get in our surroundings.

It's easy to lower your guard and get complacent once you feel you've made a big city home. I did it in NYC too.

All or and Nothing

There has got to be a happy medium between the cable nets that ignore the passing of a popular movie actor and the net that goes wall-to-wall with uneducated speculation.

Ignore pop culture under the faux cloak of "taking the high road," and you fail miserably in your main task of covering the news. Flood the airwaves with unconfirmed gossip under the guise of "staying on top of it," and you become equally irrelevant.

There has got to be a better way.

Sad

Heath Ledger died

Internet Gold

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I had big dreams. I wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.

Now thanks to Youtube, I can go back and revisit what exactly it was I was shooting for:



Seems I was aiming for stripper.

It's Just an Expression

Alright, here we go. I finally figured out how to get the analytics code properly embedded on my site so that I can get a real(ish) sense of readership. Let's just say, Mom's got company. Not enough company to realistically charge admission (read: add ads yet), but enough to keep this writer's ego sated for the time being.

Speaking of satisfaction, just when I think I'm not going to have anything mildly entertaining to share on a given day, I venture out into the world, and someone takes dumb to a whole new level.

So Friday, I'm at the post office mailing an old VHS tape to my agent. (He needed some vintage Jaxx, and I've got quite the collection of embarrassingly early work on hand.) I know from years of sending out VHS reels that the best way to go is to toss that puppy into a Priority or an Express mail envelope. It's a little bulky, but it seals up just fine.

With that scene-setter in place, I give you the following exchange:

Me at counter: Hi. Can you throw a small piece of tape on this envelope? It seems to have a little tear in the side.

USPS employee: We're not supposed to do that. It's a flat rate envelope. If you can't fit stuff in there flat, you shouldn't use it.

Me: Huh? Wait. It's called a flat rate envelope because you charge the same rate regardless of what's in the envelope, not because the envelope itself is physically flat.

USPS employee: (blank stare)

And just like that, blog fodder!

Happy MLK Day. This site seems to be your best bet for the most comprehensive collection of MLK-related content.

UPDATE: I realize today's retelling of last Friday's postal encounter may have fallen a little ... well... flat. In this case, it was surprisingly tough to do the truly baffled - and baffling - fair justice.

Wanna buy a house?

Just got a letter in the mail that my landlord is selling our house. He wants $1.3 million for it. We the tenants have the right of first refusal.

I'm going to think about it.

Ok. Thought about it. No thanks.

"Party On, Wayne"

A couple of days ago I reposted an Australian news commentator's "interview" with defiant party kid Corey Worthington.

Via Buzzfeed, I discovered this morning that you can slap some sense into Corey...and then buy beer. Or you can sign up to support and/or get invited to Corey's next blowout. Seems Corey himself is learning to cash in on his new instafame.

I'm not a fan of rewarding bad behavior, and Corey could clearly benefit from some better parenting, but the kid seems to be getting more kudos than condemnation both from friends and fans. He also seems to be getting the girls.

O Poet My Poet

My signif writes a weekly column for The Huffington Post about poetry. I get a sneak peek at his essays before he turns them over to the powers that be. This Sunday's just crossed my desk lap. You should check it out this weekend. It's gonna be good, and you're bound to learn something.

Again, Sunday late morning(ish), see it here.

True Crime: Miami-Dade Edition

I was just about to declare myself a personal snow day and excuse myself from writing this afternoon when my friend Lindsay emailed out this story. Here's a little snippet of the gem:

Two alleged gang members who taunted the Miami Dade Police Department in a video posted on YouTube have been arrested by U.S. agents and charged with federal firearms violations.

Rudy Villanueva and Tony Logan, alleged members of a Miami-Dade County street gang called the Bird Road Boys, were seen in the video brandishing a shotgun, assault rifle and handguns. (...)

"Villanueva and Logan threatened law enforcement. They brandished weapons and told us, 'Here I am baby. & Come get us if you want.' Villanueva said come get me, and we did.

ABC's got the video uploaded so you can get a real sense of the brainpower at work.

See, I was born and raised in Miami, and Lindsay often taunts my home state for being severely defective on a regular basis. I can't argue with her, but I am often comforted by the fact that her finds usually come from Florida counties north of my own.

Nope. Not this time. This one is good ol' Dade County. Way to go, guys! Gots me some hometown pride up in here.

Calling out Dr. FullofIt

This is so great.

Per TMZ, a psychologist filed a complaint with the Cali Board of Psychology saying Dr. Phil's not licensed in Cali, and that he's a scumbag he also broke the law by talking about Brit's condition to the media.

Did I mention this is great?

It's so great.

In case you're curious how I really feel about Dr. Phil, background here.

Pillow Talk

Me: I watched Rachael Ray make a 30 Minute Meal yesterday. It was a bunch of raw vegetables in a flower pot and some dip. She called it lunch.

Signif: Who has 30 minutes for lunch?

I think we need a real vacation. Stat!

Stuff Like This Here

American Idol starts tonight. Yup, most recent contestants suck in comparison:

He's Already Got Parents

From Jossip - the most self-righteous news commentator ever:



At 1:46, she asks the kid to take off his glasses, and (good for him) he refuses.

At 2:18, she goes into full-on chastise mode.

It's like Dr. Phil. But blonde. With an accent. And boobs.

It's all Relative

Only in the TV business would the words 5.3 million and abysmal turn up in the same sentence.

Let's put these numbers into perspective, shall we? Most cable news programs don't get close to 1 million viewers on a good day. I missed the NBC Golden Globes "fiasco," but from what I understand, the non-event was pretty pathetic and still drew more than 5 times the audience.

Now this assessment is just downright stupid:

The upside of Mark Zuckerberg's squirmy performance "60 Minutes": No one watched it. The CBS show, which averages 14.3 million viewers an airing, drew a season-low 9.6 million viewers on Sunday. That's presumably due to tough competition from the Giants-Cowboys game on Fox, but it may also be due to the fact that (shhh!) outside of the certain corners of the Internet, no one cares that much about Facebook.

To say "no one watched" and then claim almost 10 million people tuned in on a playoff night is asinine. So is announcing that only a select demo cares about Facebook. You been on it lately, cowboy? I'd say the proliferation of companies and organizations and politicians and casual Internet users is evidence enough that if it were tucked away in a corner somewhere, that would be an awfully crowded corner.

Sounds to me like someone's got a personal beef with Zuckerberg. Maybe you want to work that out offline.

Oh, and I would add that Zuckerberg's interview was the last segment of the show behind slaughtered tuna and rape in Congo. Couple of real solid Sunday night family dinnertime lead-ins, wouldn't you say?

Happy Smurfday

Did you know The Smurfs are turning 50?

You can brush up on all the smurftastic facts about the little blue bunch here.

AWESOME Smurfday website here.

How smurfrific is this!?!:

From January to October 2008 we will be smurfing countless European cities, wishing ourselves a ‘Happy Smurfday!’ While everyone’s asleep, we will hide thousands of little white Smurfs, just our size, around the city. Look out for them, because if you find a Smurf you can smurf it home. Paint it, colour it, dress it, whatever you like --into what you feel a Smurf should be.

You can track the Euro-smurfing on this map, but a city won't pop up until it's been properly smurfed.

I want to go to Europe and hunt for hidden smurfs!

Don't Vote for Pedro

Listening to C-SPAN radio this morning, I learned something new. And not something good.

The show transcript is not online yet, but this excerpt from a pdf on the Michigan Democratic Party website sums it up pretty well:

8. Q: What are the choices on the ballot?

A: The Democratic ballot will have 6 choices:

Hillary Clinton
Christopher Dodd
Mike Gravel
Dennis Kucinich
Uncommitted
Write-in

9. Q: What is “uncommitted”?

A: A vote for “uncommitted” is a vote to send delegates to the Democratic National Convention who are not
committed or pledged to any candidate. Those delegates can vote for any candidate they choose at the Convention.

10. Q: If my candidate’s name is not on the ballot, should I write it in?

A: No. Supporters of Joe Biden, John Edwards, Barack Obama and Bill Richardson are urged to vote
“uncommitted” instead of writing in their candidates’ names because write-in votes for those candidates will not be
counted under state law.

But according to the callers on the show this morning, most people don't know about this whole "ignore the line" thing. You write in a candidate, and your vote doesn't count. End of story.

Winners in this screwed up process: No one
Losers: Clinton for being the only name on the ballot because it's all bound to be misinterpreted and somehow backfire.
Democrats who support Obama or Edwards and don't know that expressing said support by voting on a ballot actually silences their voice.
The Michigan Democratic Party for alienating its own.

Nice going, guys. Way to make it work for the people.

Let's Be Frank

I agree that shutting out presidential candidates based on arbitrary or moving-the-goal-posts criteria is a lousy way to conduct debate in an allegedly democratic society.

But all this euphemistic artificial filler is starting to get old.

See, my signif and I got to the meat of the matter yesterday on the way back from an overnight retreat in Virginia. We passed a number of Ron Paul supporters' signs and banners stuck in the ground and strung from overhead walkways. I remarked that Paul still seems to have a real fervent following. My signif called them the Deaniacs of the 2008 election. Then he added the following:

But no one's going to elect a weenie.

Not that Ron Paul is a weenie. Neither is Dennis Kucinich for that matter. They just look like weenies. They're both less than imposing. They don't come in traditional presidential packaging. And that's where their messages fall by the wayside. We are shooting the messenger.

But most people don't say what they really think. Neither do media companies. They can't announce, "No one's going to elect a weenie." So instead, they invent ways to exclude the candidates they think clutter the field.

But wait. There's more. Clinton's a woman, and Obama's black. How's that traditional, you ask? (You did. I heard you.)

Because this isn't about skin color or gender. It's about literally looking small and scrawny. And Paul and Kucinich do.

So while they're both bold and strong and passionate on the inside, they're unfortunately too weenie-esque on the outside.

It is unfortunate too because someone like Fred Thompson's got the tough guy thing down, and yet you just know no one's taking too close a look at the actual ingredients.

CSI: Cookie

Ever find a random crumb somewhere in your home and spend an inordinate amount of time trying to remember where it could have come from?

Happened this morning. There was a small beige clue on the carpet near the cat's bowl. On first glance, I assumed it was a piece of her food. Sometimes she gets bored and opts to "eat out" - flinging a crunchy or two out onto the floor instead of consuming them straight from the plate.

But on further investigation, I discovered said nugget had sprinkles which led me to believe it was in fact a Pepperidge Farm cookie. Remnant of a Ginger Man to be exact.

I confronted my signif, and he folded like a cheap lawn chair.

Crime Does and Doesn't Pay

Nothing breaks the silence between cabbie and cab rider better than hearing this story on the radio:

Police said a man impersonating an armored car guard walked out of a Wachovia bank branch on Pennsylvania Avenue Thursday with more than $100,000, after officials let him sign for a locked bag of cash.

About an hour after the robbery, a real Brinks guard arrived at the bank and was told that another guard had completed the day's cash pickup.

Police said the Brinks driver waited until he returned to his office to tell his supervisors about the failed pickup. Brinks officials contacted the bank, and a branch manager called D.C. police about 8 p.m. -- almost 11 hours after the theft.

Cops are now playing catch-up, trying to get witness descriptions and surveillance camera footage. Maybe those shots will turn up here.

In other unrelated crime news, did you hear the one about the two guys in NYC who tried to wheel their dead friend into a check cashing place to collect his social security?

I've got nothing funny to add. It's rich as is.

The Joke's on Shoe

There's a store here in DC running a really fun sale.

Buy a pair of shoes. Tell a joke. Get the second pair free.

It doesn't even have to be a good joke. I asked. It rarely is.

But they still hold the promo twice a year anyway.

I like it.

Trading something fun for something funky.

Did you miss me?

Apologies for the radio silence yesterday. I left for NYC at 6am and didn't get back here until after 11pm.

It was a long day. Mostly productive. Definitely educational.

I have it on decent authority that TV news divisions are suffering a significant cash crunch.

Too many channels? Not enough quality content? Internet the new BMOC? Consumer apathy?

Just breakfast for thought.

Major Disfunction

I know Paul. I like Paul. A lot. He's a solid guy.

When he recounts this saga, I trust this is exactly how it went down.

"I say it here, it comes out there."

First off, John's got a nice roundup here of online progressive reaction to last night's results. The common thread seems to be a "blame the media for a backlash" analysis. However, I've got a slightly different take.

Here I go being all pundity again. I can't help it. Indulge me.

I just don't think cable news has that much power. I think the plugged in online crowd often overestimates the amount of time invested by the average voter. People not in politics or writing about politics or somehow connected to politics have more important personal priorities. Like baseball practice and piano lessons and getting a meal on the table. Knowing what I do about cable ratings, it's unlikely Chris Matthews - or any cable anchor for that matter - turned the tide of an entire primary. It's just not logical.

This could be too esoteric, but I'd add Clinton struck a nerve when she started to passionately explain her commitment and experience. Not because she welled up and garnered a sympathy vote - although some dipsh*t is bound to make that assumption - but because she started to sound human. And she spoke to a common experience too many people have encountered.

Getting passed up for the gig even though you're more qualified.

She hit the nail on the head when she fired up Saturday night, and she drove it home over the following 48 hours.

This isn't a race thing or a gender thing. It's a human thing. More often than not, style trumps substance. Clinton may have tapped into a latent frustration with fluff. Not to say that Obama isn't possibly an excellent choice for the Democratic nomination, but Clinton's power lies in her having learned the trade. She feels she's put in the time. She's paid some dues. She'd like to collect.

Maybe reminding voters there's an actual job at the end of the marathon gave her the lead this leg. Maybe. We'll see if it sticks.

Bonus: Give yourself 10 points if you catch the Broadcast News analogy at play.

UPDATE: James has got a good post about possible explanations for last night's outcome:

ALL OF THE ABOVE? NONE OF THE ABOVE?

In social science, looking for a single variable to explain outcomes tends to be problematic. Likely, it was a combination of the above factors, and quite probably some not listed, that explains what happened yesterday.

What do you think?

OK, one more: MK has a funny explanation:

Sounds like grown-up voters came home to Hillary instead of getting caught up in Obama-mania. Or, as my colleague Amanda posits: "All the young people went to the Obama victory party and were too busy drinking to vote. Kinda like a really awesome tailgate where you forget to go to the game." Heh, I know that feeling.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

Count on Wikipedia to bring some unexpected humor from time to time.

Because it's the "online encyclopedia that anyone can edit," just about everyone with a fraction - and only a fraction - of a brain cell thinks it's hysterical to edit in fake info. Talk to Brian Chase, various Congressional staffers, or the anonymous Chris Benoit editor about why this is such a bad idea.

In any case, it still happens, and Wikipedia's taken to locking down high profile entries to slow and/or stop the inevitable.

But stuff still slips by. And the one I found today is pretty good.

My friend Chez wrote a scathing - albeit dead-on and hysterical - condemnation of fired Philly anchor Alycia Lane. After rereading his post for, like, the third time, I decided to search for the email Rich Eisen's wife wrote to Lane when Lane sent the married man bikini photos. I remembered reading it back in May but was curious to see it again.

I found it here, but then went to Wikipedia to see what more there was to know about Miss BadJudgment, and I came across this nugget:

Background

Lane, a native of Lake Grove, New York, on Long Island, is of Puerto Rican descent on her mother's side and Welsh descent on her father's. Lane's credentials include a Master’s Degree in Broadcast Journalism from the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern University, an undergraduate degree from the State University of New York at Albany where she graduated with honors, and two ample breasts. She is a member of the National Association of Hispanic Journalists and speaks fluent Spanish.

bold emphasis mine

teehee

UPDATE: In the time it took me to compile this post, someone went in and fixed the entry. Wikipedia editors can be zippy like that. But because the site is completely transparent, you can also still see where the goofy addition used to be.

Primary Dysfunction

I wake to radio each morning. Sometimes it's NPR. Sometimes WTOP. Lately, it's been C-SPAN for the sheer entertainment factor.

a) They've got some trouble getting it together technology-wise
and
b) Their callers tend to sound six shades of crazy

It's a good reminder not to overestimate the power of common sense. Case in point, the guy on now is rooting for Giuliani. Because no one else has "his kind of background." I kid you not.

I'm looking forward to seeing how the day - and the day's coverage - shakes out.

Fix Healthcare

Someone. Please.

I had a copay jump from $21.72 to $70 on the same RX just 30 days apart.

I've got to find out why, but I'm dreading the call. I suspect it has something to do with a deductible, but I'm not convinced enough to let it go.

The whole system's so sick. In fact, if you know someone truly working to make it better, I'll drop everything and join the crusade tomorrow.

I'd say today, but we both know this phone call to medco's going to drain my afternoon.

UPDATE: In the interest of honest disclosure, the call actually took no time at all, and I discovered it was a deductible issue. However, my offer still stands re: mending the mess.

Internet Report

I preface this post by reiterating my reporting does not imply an endorsement of one candidate or another. Trend observations and analyses should be taken on face value.

Now, that said, here's where online video's going to favor Obama:



He's arguably the most charismatic and inspirational public speaker we've seen in a long time. Clinton (Bill not Hillary) is brilliant and natural and nothing if not convincing, but Obama conveys a sense of passion reminiscent of the voices behind great movements. And now, in the day and age of Youtube, you don't have to see him in person to get it. He translates. And all it takes is one energized college kid to pass the video on to his friends, and Obama's got himself a congregation of tech-savvy supporters.

We know the takedown power of viral video. That concept's still in play. But we'd be remiss to ignore the boost candidates stand to gain through the medium as well.

Hillary's heated response (heated being the Youtube title) re: change from Saturday night's debate is one of the week's most viewed clips so far. How you interpret the soundbite is up to you. You either see her as combative or confident, but either way, you see her in a vacuum, and you are left to formulate your own interpretation. No anchor intro. No pundit translation. For better or worse, it works to get the word out in a new, more fluid forum.

And in this context, I agree that change is good.

Chew on this

We just came up with the best Strip Club name ever:

Hubba Boobba

(you're SO going to remember this at some point tomorrow and laugh out loud)

Frustrated!

ABC news just featured their "Internet Reporter" who reported pure crap.

Ron Paul's supporters rule the online world. You can't report online polls (like ABC's debate-related Facebook polls) without noting that Ron Paul's supporters heavily outweigh others. The "results" mean nothing. They are an indication of nothing.

According to Facebook, Ron Paul appeared the most presidential. Shocker.

George Stephanopoulos just reported that people are passionate about the economy BASED on a Facebook poll clearly manipulated by Ron Paul supporters.

For the record, I'm not knocking the Ron Paul peeps. I give them credit. They have proven their power once again. They've convinced the naive that their views speak for the whole of Republican voters. Or at least according to ABC.

It's New to You

Very rarely is something viral truly new. And the Honda ad below remaking the rounds is no exception. Here's Snopes on the subject. Turns out the Urban Legends site's known about it since 2003.

However, you've got to give kudos to whoever pushed the spot back into circulation.




Hat tip: Mom

Dead Serious

I bet more people than you'd suspect think this guy is running for President.

Oops, I did it again

Had a little chat with John and Joe. Hear it here.

Past casts:

Captain Ed
Americablog the Prequel

Iowhat?

I'm looking forward to the Iowa caucus coverage and outcome tonight although knowing that only a small fraction of Iowans participate kind of ruins the mood.

The more I learn about the process, the more it feels like a giant pull back the curtain and take a gander at the wizard kind of show.

Mixed Messages

Should we lose as much weight as possible or should we be overweight and love ourselves just the way we are?

One of my New Year's Resolutions centers around a shift in perspective. I'll give you an example. The old me watches The Biggest Loser and gets upset the contestants let themselves get that large in the first place. The new me appreciates the contestants are finally committing to doing something about their sloth and overindulgence and is not at all critical of the fact that it took a national TV show and the incentive of winning cold hard cash to make them get off their obese behinds and stop shoveling toxins into their bodies. Wait, I did it again, didn't I?

Yes, I'm glad they're losing weight. And it cannot be easy shoving 200+ pounds into a jog bra on national TV. But part of me gets so angry because it's just so typical of our nation as a whole. We eat too much. We move too little. And money is the great motivator. Nevermind health or the love of your family or the joy of being able to get around in this world without carrying an extra 100 lbs.

On the flip side, I like the concept behind Carson Kressley's new program. I'm a fan of teaching women to be less critical of themselves. However, I am also a fan of eating well and exercising. So yes, please get to a point where you can look in the mirror and not insult yourself. From Arianna's On Becoming Fearless:

Imagine if someone invented a little tape recorder that we could attach to our brains to record everything we tell ourselves -- a TiVo for our inner dialogue. What we'd discover is that not even our worst enemies talk about us the way we talk about ourselves.

But keep up the exercise and the healthy diet (not dieting but diet as in what you choose to consume in moderation) while learning to appreciate that being model thin more often than not involves smoking, speed, and a faux love of lettuce.

We've all got parts of our bodies we wish were better. I'm right there with you. And that's where Carson's show shines. Ditch the doubt and learn to feel better about you. But also acknowledge that it's up to you to contribute. Yes, it's hard. If it weren't, we wouldn't be the fattest nation on the planet. Because we're nothing if not a little soft compared to other cultures and past generations.

Go ahead. Bathe in my fountain of positivity. I just don't want to hear you don't like the way you look in a swimsuit.